life is a like an empty paper.. colour your life..

oh hi, quick update!

2011-10-19T21:54:00.001+08:00

nothing much to write but i'll be writing again soon.. ngehehe, happy holidays. i am dying over here, nothing to do. -__-

like what the hell man?

2011-07-10T01:19:00.009+08:00

as i said before, everything has changed yet somehow it is still the same. we are slowly losing our touch. i miss them, no doubt i really do miss them, but somehow my anger towards them arises everytime they did something. as for example, i was trying to be polite and soft, get the picture, I AM TRYING TO BE SOFT which i will never be, but with them i am trying, why? because i love them. and please dont judge by saying im stupid or whatever. so i was trying to be nice by asking some NICE questions NICELY somehow he raise his voice towards me without any reasons, excuse me, i was trying to be nice didnt i? the hell man, i am so sick of him, sick of him doing this to me. why cant he be nice like he does to nik? how come he can talk nicely to nik but not me? and in addition, he never reply my text, unless he wants something, he never answer my calls using me number, (sometimes). WTF? i have no idea what went wrong, did i said something that might hurt him, BUT excuse me, what about my feelings? i mean cmon, we are FRIENDS arent we suppose to talk to each other about stuff? not about nothing. my man, i miss you. i really do. why are you fading away? why are you being so cold?

i feel so down and lonely lately, and no kidding, i am missing them badly, i am trying so hard to live my life normally without them. i know i have to get to use to it, but somehow.. sigh, i dont know. seriously i just dont know.

NOW i HAVE TO, MUST, finish my reports. i have to smile though the heart is aching, thats what i have to tell myself everyday. like EVERYDAY. neways, Alhamdulillah, today was an okay day for me, we had our HM110 gathering it was quiet enjoyable i'd say.

enjoying our moment while we can

serabut!

2011-03-29T14:11:00.003+08:00

yeap, indeed, my head is super messy. i felt like a tornado and mini tsunami and a typhoon in my head. super sleepeeyh now. current location as usual, CSC class. so bored. i felt like killing myself. seriously. serabut lah gilaa! haha.

anywho, i had fun last weekend, thanks everyone for making my life very much interesting. tsk, TOUCHYY :D
it was for fizi's 20th birthday! hope you had fun ma dear :)

HEYHOOO! today is 7th april 2011! what the hell?! above's post was well, actually two weeks ago's post! so whatever, i am so lazy to post that one. and i just decided that imma update this new one together with the old one! ehe <3

soooo, finals are sooo close, which is like in a week or so. and i havent started study yet at all. not even a bit. and my hospitality test yesterday was a bummer! a big bummer indeed. ahahaha. LOLLLLOOL! whata big lol. i tried to study but i cant, because... i am lazy! weehoo!

big news!!! no wait, NEW NEWS, i am moving on. yeap i am. so goodbye y'alls, i am so going to be a new person, all new! i will no longer think negative about everything around me. because u know i think, well i think, i am now thinking positive for everything that will or has happened in my life! okay, first of all, ignore my spelling, grammar and so all, because im typing without even looking at the screen. !

happy coolest 19th dear ME!

2011-03-22T13:33:00.005+08:00

SEEEE, im 19 now! and im still single. wtf to that. and hell yes to prezzies!! i love my friends, you guys were awesome. wasnt expecting any of the surprises, the flour, the cakes. awwww, it was a touchy moment for me indeed!

at first we went out for a dinner, as usual outside. then fifa followed me and when i reached at my house, the lights are all off. "shit"i thought it was the damn electricity, because before that, nana told us that there are no electricity in her house. so once again i said "shit" but when i went in, the fans are still spinning, as if someone just turned it off. i was thinking maybe the electricity was out just a moment ago. but nope, the door to my room was locked, and as i reached for my key i heard whispers inside the room, i tried to push the door, but they were so strong and pushed it on the other side. and when they opened the door, TADAAAAAAA, the cake is there with lighted candles on top of it and KFCs.. awww<3>!

sooo sweet right? chocolate indulgence from secret recipe. thank you!

after a little while, I MOPPED THE FLOOR! because they were eating it like a cat! so bersepah! and a little longer after that, fifa called me into the room while i was busy on FB, when i went in, they threw flour that are mixed with with im not sure what at me!! and i was wearing my contact lens at that moment. perfect huh? LOL i had to opened my contact lens immediately after that! LOL, that was sweet too

tepung:(

gifts from them. candy machine from nana and nad. bear from shafa. earring from nik. chocolate from asri and wan. thanks guysiess! :)

moi familia!

2011-03-14T10:06:00.006+08:00

so mum and dad came home last 2 week, because the PAT of Brunei came to malaysia, as usual, so i went home twice too. it was worth the while seeing my dad. GOD i miss him still :( and i didnt shopped that much with him. plus he was busy with his works too. and last week i went home and went shopping like CRAZEEEYH with mummy on friday then on sunday with mi hermanas! it was fun and fun! hehe i love it. mum bought me another pair of wedges from pedal works, i LOVE IT, unfortunately i forgot to take a picture of it. ngehh -_- sisters on the other hand gave me blouses and yong made a surprise(which i kinda new about it) sort of celebration. teehee, thanks sistass! te amo <3

anyway, on Friday i went to aunty ruby's wedding. not hers but saiful's. i dont really know them that well, but oh well i came because i want to see kak fiza and pearl and yaya. i dont really care about the others. and as i was expected, yeap, they were there, but i didnt get to talk to them that much. the wedding was okay i wasnt really concentrating on the wedding. my eyes were set to someone at that moment. and you know who, was of course there. no shit, i do miss him, and we talked and talked and it was okay and awkward i'd say. i mean what the hell? that was so not him, he wasn't like that when we first met. i know he is friendly but not jovial. okay whatever, seriously whatever, i had enough with men! seriously i hate ball-less man! seriously, annoying! i dont give a damn anymore, thank you :)

HOME

2011-03-04T17:20:00.003+08:00

i miss home, and finally i am home, well that was a lie. i was home on wednesday night! damn i love me, haha! alrighty, that was random. so i managed to calm down after all the hectic, chaos situation in penang, i mean at my college. feck, it was a disastrous, especially housemates! feck i hate living with people! super lazy to write it all down. however, i will summarize it up, the story. my roomates are kelantanese, im sorry dear kelantanese i am not trying to mock you up but this story are about them. at first, they brought A friend of them to come over and spend A night, well at first WE all did not really mind that. but then, she is always in our house, like 24/7! that is somewhat annoying. early in the morning, when i wanted to go to the toilet in the morning, she is already in there, and i have to wait for quite a long time for her. straight after that, i started to think "WHAT THE HELL WOMAN?" i live in this house! and i wouldn't want to wait for you everytime i need to go to the toilet. that is a BURDEN. indeed it is. okay so, that was the first one. there was this time, when they brought the whole of their kelantan girls in my room and started to laugh maniacally when they knew i was sleeping on my bed. WHAT THE FUCK right? and when i came out from the bathroom wearing only towel they were looking at me like i am some kind of freak? and they were looking, NO WAIT, STARING at me while i was doing my make up and such. WHAT? YOU HAVE NEVER SEEN A GIRL WEARING MAKE UPS? GET A LIFE BITCHES! ANNNNOOYING !

let me just end this post with BITCH I NEED A FUCKING PRIVACY, DO U EVEN KNOW WHAT'S PRIVACY?

happiness?tears?

2011-02-21T10:01:00.005+08:00

what is happiness? an unsolved question thats in me. i thought i was happy, somehow the happiness has disappear. how and why, i never know why. i thought i can be happy without love. but damn right, i am lying to myself. i never knew that love can be such a powerful effect, on me especially. i was on denial for the past weeks. i finally find out, my real feelings. my genuine feelings. sadly, no one ever notice it. what a waste. indeed it is a waste. at first, i thought it was a simple feelings, with no extend feelings towards him. but somehow, it has grew rapidly day by day. i cant look at him anymore. it tears me apart, thats for sure.. im not sure how to write this agony of my heart here, let me alone feel this agony. im sure the happiness will come somehow. sooon, as my mom always say "blessing in disguise" that should be it. i am a passionate girl, passionate towards life. so, im pretty sure this won't let me down.

maybe happiness will come once it is shared? is it true?

TEARS? what are tears? when does it come out? when we are in pain? agony? poignancy? or simply in happiness? gleeness? as far as i know, tears are made when we are in an unstable state. thats for me for sure. i cried when i felt like my life had betray me so bad. it sometimes felt so bad til i cant even take any breath anymore. now, i am far away, faaar faar away from my parents, from my comfort zone. no doubt, i miss them, i miss those comfort zone. thus, the tears are easier to produce whenever i think about them. i have lived under them for 18 years! freakung 18 years! i have never been away from them. probably for about a week? sort of. i have no idea why i am all moody and such. PMSing? not really. just finished it.

p/s : a bastard will remain as a bastard. once you broke my heart, you are slowly breaking yourself up. i am no witch, but i will assure, not me, GOD will, what goes comes around. beware.

heyhoooooo!

2011-02-17T17:28:00.002+08:00

omg! last update was when? 28th august 2010? i am kidding right? holly cow! its been super duper long since i last update it. so there are too many things that had happened. i am now in a new life, new beginning and maybe a new ending? sort of lah!

so, i am now in uitm penang. can u believe this? uitm penang? okay? i mean like HELLO, i was in isb doing my freaking IB and zaaaappp, im doing diploma in hotel management in penang. damn! okay i hate to write about the details. all i know is that i am happy here right now with my new friends, despite all the tears because of stresses before, however, today i feel glad that i am now with them, they who love me for who i am.

so i got fifa,nana,nik,nad,husna,adlee,izzat,asri,wan and others who appreciate me for the real me. the crazy eater, crazy talker sloppy head baizura! i love it, thank you for everything.

as for now, i shall stop here since i need to finish my assignment. ahaha. weird hah? me doing assignment at starbucks penang with my loveliesss. GOD i love them <3

- happiness leads you a better life as the sadder life has taught you to be grateful-

why helllooo there people!

2010-08-28T11:46:00.005+08:00

uh-oh so i have not been on my own blog since ages ago. wahh! so there are a few things happened to me here in brunei, obviously, where else..

1) i started IB on the second day of school. and honestly it was kinda good, like cool... so there are about 8 new student, and most of them are from the local school. all of them are super nice. i like it. i mean they are not snobbish, weird and etc. good good.

2) i still have no idea whether to apply uitm or not. my heart says "IB is okay, you know you can do it" but my mind on the other hand says" no no, remember you don't want to be here, in brunei. you want to be with your NEW friends. and have a new life"
so yes, that's basically what happened to me for the past few weeks.

Being in IB, no jokes, there are so many things to do, to study, to learn.. all i have to do is to concentrate, which i think I MAYBE CAN do it. i mean i kinda like the subjects that i am taking. and most of the teachers are the same teacher, so its kinda easy and nice to deal with. sigh* this is really hard for moi. mmm..

anyway, the first 2 days of IB was our induction(SP?) haha, and twas good. we had this recycle items fashion show, which i think was a good way to mingle around with the new students.! :D

need something NEW

2010-07-21T18:12:00.003+08:00

i promised ages ago that i will update my blog more often, but then, laziness is appealing i cant let it go! haha.. sooo many days i have been spending my time at home and doing nothing. TV has been the most loyal friend i've ever met in the world! thanks tv. without tv i think i'll just die out of boredom!!

i seriously need something new in my life. like new people around me. and i swear i do not know how to find it. am i suppose to say hye to a random person? or socialize more often? well, socializing is the issue here. i do go out with my friends. but then its MY FRIEND so that doesn't count as something new. sigh.. PLEASE SOMETHING NEW! GOD IM PRAYING pleaseeeeeeee!

i have no idea what the hell is wrong with me, everything is just a mess. even for shopping, nothing has caught my eyes and my mind yet. nothing is interesting here. oh common! this is KL there must be something fun to do or at least to experience something. gahhh!

i have been aiming for wedges long time ago, but as i said before nothing caught my eyes. sigh sigh:( and i heard that results are coming in 2 weeks!! can you believe in 2 WEEKS? OMFG! so not ready. see, that is not a new thing at all i swear.. grrr!!

superrr BORED~~

2010-06-29T17:08:00.006+08:00

i know i shouldn't be bored since im in kl, and there are tonnes of new malls that i should visit, but the laziness keep spreading in me and i am super duper lazy to go anywhere and thus super bored happened! i didn't go out at all today. i feel like a total housewife staying at home and do tonnes of chores. not that i am complaining or anything, just saying..... :)

wanted to go out so bad today but unfortunately it seems that everyone is soo busy accept me. haha, yeap lady of leisure that's what Mr. Baird said! haha.. since i was so bored, i went through people in facebook and i saw a guy who uploaded a photo which claimed it was a Satan's horn in a sky. and unfortunately i forgot to save the picture and i am such a retard i forgot what's the name of the person that uploaded the photo.

BUT i saw another interesting picture..

don't u think it's just a bit irony. as a woman and as a muslim, this is a very very embarassing picture. it's not wrong to smoke, well i think so. since im not so sure with the hukums, i shall let you guys judge this picture yourself.

have a nice day peopleee! :)

malaysia truly asia~

2010-06-28T18:47:00.003+08:00

indeed it is! welcome home baizura :) its good to be home of course. well so far life has been... great! indeed im grateful to be home, safe(in kl? u wish) with moi familia. and dad is coming back also on saturday... so i think it should be a nice time for us.. one nice happy quality time together. hopefully! tho i have been in kl for almost a week, 5 days to be exact, i did nothing much than just spending my time with my mum and sisters. i didn't really have the time to hang out with my friends yet. i just want to chill and take a quality time with mi casa. yeapp. and for sure to settle my studying thingy ASAP. the thing is i have no idea what to do and where to go to look for an information. i mean no one in family have a clue on what to do. so i guess its my job to search of a help from who i will never know. hopefully google will help.

a story: i want to study in malaysia not because i hate BRUNEI as a matter of fact, i love brunei, and all my friends are super duper cool:( and i think leaving brunei will make me even sadder. sometimes when im alone at home in brunei, i always imagine things about what will my parents every day's life would be without me. maybe its better, but maybe its hard. i know sometimes i may be a bit pain the ass in the family and different from others, but i can't be my sisters. i am me. i am STILL trying so hard to be the best daughter and a sister to my family. i am STILL learning. the thing is, i want to learn to live by myself. learn how to appreciate money. learn about life. im 18 and i want to learn how hard life is. obviously everyone know life is hard, but when i said my life is hard, its actually not that hard. i know i am the one who made it harder and turned everything upside down. because i know life is about learning. staying in your comfort zone is not wrong at all, but sometimes in order to achieve life you need to walk on those bumpy road.. i need to hold on to myself. because the cloud goes grey when u think its blue. sorry too much metaphors and simile, BUT thats how life should be. laugh ur ass off if you want to when you read this, but yeap thats what i felt. you can say this post is bullshit, say what you want to say, because my ears will be stuffed with good thoughts than the bad one.

i am still learning my mistakes that i made in the past. all of these are the steps that will lead me to a better future. i will pray and doa even harder, because He knows everything. and i don't want to make another mistake that will corrupt my future life.

insyaAllah, :)

tell me what am i suppose to do when its dark outside..

2010-06-16T23:54:00.000+08:00

wednesday the 16th.. its june2010! wow, don't u think time flies like fly..?fast and annoying? haha
so i promised RAWIZA to update more often, so honey this is for you. i love you. he he he.
i suddenly like football. i have no idea who or what inspires me to like football. honestly, i do not know the rules, the scores what ever shit about it. for once, i enjoy watching it. so right now its between spain and switzerland.. the team with the most hot players will i support for sure. haha

i have been sick, but its getting better and better. i have nothing to do in my spare time other than complaining and eating. and complaining again, then eat again.. sigh..

hopefully friday will be a very joyful day for me as i am meeting all of my friends on the same day! i am a very hopeful person, so please don't destroy my wishes. watched the back up plan half way at munirah's house. and for only the start i swear i am giving 4 out of 5 already. i think JENNIFER LOPEZ is a good actress and her acting was natural yet funny! i just love it.

i really want to read books that i borrowed from rawiza, but it seems like i always have something else to do other than reading those books. call me nerd, but i actually love reading, yes yes, the world is going to end soon. haha.

i think i am quite happy my life. and i don't think i need any other guy to come and ruin it, AGAIN. seriously, destroying an innocent girl's life is a sin. they should have a punishment for this kind of people. :(

prom pom pom!

2010-06-13T15:27:00.007+08:00

PROM IS OVER and that means year 11 is officially ended. honestly, i am a bit sad that its over and i swear i will miss everyone in ISB. the sleepover was fun-er! maybe because its more comfortable and we are all in our shorts and our BGIC shirt. so cute. haha. I barely sleep that night because i wanted to but then Zi yun's voice were too loud and i just can't sleep. at the end, i slept for only about 2 hours. and eve and rawiza end up sleeping over in kansihka's room together with rahim. i do not want to write anything anymore because obviously its saddens me to know that for some of them will not be here anymore and i will never ever see some of them ANYMORE, especially ZI YUN:(

HELLOOOOO!

2010-05-28T18:25:00.003+08:00

firstly, you PEOPLE should watch this movie, secret life of bees. it is really nice and really i was really touched by it. i mean it is really sad. i love opression movies. i cried a few times in the movie. and dakota fanning is such a good actress. she used country accent which really works. and she's pretty too. cool, watch it and enjoy it! and its from a novel. so i really want to read it.!

okay okay, i know i havent update a thing for such A VERY BIG LONGTIME.

anyways, exams over. so lets just not talk about the past as it may increase the level of my stressness. haha. anyway, life so far has been.... pretty boring. haha. okay2 i just finished my exams like yesterday and i already said that. because it is. haha. there are no interesting tv series to watch. so its pretty BOWWWWRRING! haha

so yesterday night i watched prince of PERSIA. well out of ten the rates,i'd say its about ermm 5.5?? well i dont really fancy that kind of movie. so its alright. haha. me, munirah, zul, baby, fir n basaini went together to empire and watched it at night and it was pretty fun to hang out with them since i havent talk to them for a quite long time. and twas cool coz we have to squah and at the back. ahaha. then they sent me home. and munirah sleptover my house. hee. oh and on the way home they started to talk about ghost stories. annoying much? and itr was like 11ish which is almost 12. so i was quite scared because duhh i sleep alone kot. then baby was being silly as usual, keep saying "omg what is that on a tree" "what will happen if suddenly theres a white thing infront of us". i swear the road was empty. like literally empty. no cars at all. NOT EVEN A SINGLE CAR. CREEEEEEEPY.. haha. but as long i had fun, everything was good then.

hopefully tomorrow we can gather together since basaini is going back, so maybe like the last time gonna see him, maybe. so yeah, just hang out and talk. hopefully. haih, i really miss those time when ALL together, and laugh and just talk about random stuff. wow... time flies relly fast.:(

it's sunday!

2010-04-11T12:37:00.013+08:00

couple of the day. aww honey u guys are super cute :)

awww. the honey bunnies. soo sweet :)

mickey mouse yang ketek ketek jalannye.

fir jangan lah menangis. so touchy is it? :P

ma homie boysss <3<3>

nawww. my honeysss..

naww. baby so cute..

haha. zul what are u doing deary??

nawww. my 2 lil sister..

ahahaha. kain batik :P

hello readers. how have you been so far? :) how's life? how's people around you? anyway, today i am so bored. and i have tonnes of work to do. unfortunately i am super lazy for this. ergh.. anyway, there are some pictures of that day when we celebrated Fir's advance birthday..! well some of the picture is our vain-ass pictures. haha

25?

2010-04-08T17:04:00.004+08:00

ADILAH KAMARUDIN A.K.A THE MOST ANNOYING SISTER EVER..

happy birthday gemok! KABOOM! tua sudah. haha. mummy already married when she's your age. what do you have? nadaaa. empty. tin kosong. haha. STOP BEING SO SARCASTIC AND ANNOYING!!!!!!! and stop thinking that you are cuter than me. sheesh kapeesh. everyone knows i am like far better than youu~ haha. enough. im hungry. happy birthday once again you big fat loser fish hot dong ikea meatball hand. I HATE YOUU. but i love your kachiing $$!! and stop bullying your little innocent sister. haha

p/s i want ipod. hahahah. lap u gemok. :)

why hello there..

2010-04-06T18:30:00.007+08:00

SCHOOL!! say whaat? S-C-H-O-O-L. yes sekolah you retard. i hate it. it's not nice:( except for the friend part. today is tuesday, duhhh everyone knows that. and is the second day of the school after 2 weeks of holidays:( sigh. what a sad story, but heyyy, i very much cant wait for exams to come and snap my brain away AND finish it AND just have fun..

so here you go, my exams starts on 11th may to 27th may! ahh~ i can smell the freedom. soon enough i will be shaking my bootey and run across the field(not so anymore,desertification occurred, i blamed global warming).. ANYWAY, school has been a so-so for me so far. i have decided to stay focus in every class because i got distracted easily and once i got distracted i'll lost almost everything in my brain, and starts to think about things that i shouldn't be thinking then this tears will drop slowly like a leaking pipe. yes there goes my metaphor/simile/what ever u called it.

and now i am going to online JUST my facebook MAYBE once a day. i wrote MAYBE so there is a chance for me to try though. so far i haven't been on msn, unless someone wants to talk to me, but it seems that no one will be needing me so far because everyone is happy with their life. and i am indeed happy for them. life has been.. oh never mind don't need the tears anymore. so, right now i am just trying my best to forget about the past, to be positive in every single way, to not be thinking too far that it will kill me slowly.

i am glad so relieve that i can finally breath peacefully. friends, i love you like there's no tomorrow, so please please i beg you please do not back stab me nor ignore me. i know sometimes i may be the most annoying person in the world, BUT that's because i want you to remember me always.! that's because i don't want you to be sad.

wish me luck people, my final drama performance will be on the 29th april. playing a play about lady Macbeth wasn't that easy nor interesting. the words will make your tongue twisted like a twister. so there you go, my not so wonderful day in Brunei. sorry if I bore you. nothing special. no no no..

oh yes, i just remembered something, Aisha and Lisa asked me about you know who. and they were saying that i am still having this some sort of feeling towards him. Honestly, no, and no i am not lying. to tell you the truth. i am sick and tired all of this little annoying drama. this is because, every year same thing happened to me. and i hate to say this, boys disappoint me very much. so much.. even as a friends. nevertheless, i hope very much that my bengali guys friends will not disappoint me like others did. please? :)

its 7.10 pm at the mo and i think i should go and mandi since balik tak mandi. hehe. good luck folks for everything you do in life. remember, YOU ARE NOT ALONE, ALLAH IS ALWAYS US. :))

new member??:D

2010-04-04T00:57:00.005+08:00

ahahaha. i was so touched by my friends. thanks for all the gifts. and for the guys, i am so touched by your balloon! haha, i know i know, im 18 i shouldn't be asking stupid things like spongebob balloon and others. but hey, this is me. i love CARTOONS and cute things. so don't say euw. haha. thank you so much. i love you to the max.

well, goodnight folks. i should be studying or SLEEPING instead of doing this rubbish thing. sheesh. i hate this. ahaha.

hello there.

2010-04-03T21:55:00.002+08:00

okay fist things first, i know i haven't update my blog for so long! reasons? STUDYING! so not true. impossible. well some of it yes. so many things to talk about i even don't know where and which story begin. haha. lets start from today shall we?

went to mega's house for tahlil and yes it is sad because she's leaving to KL tomorrow! wha whaaa whaaat? u cant leave me by myself for the whole week UMAIRA:(( im gonna miss you so bad. heee :) and i would like to congratulate my deary friend JAJA! haha. yeap congratulation, you finally are moving on TO ANOTHER PERSON. me myself is like you now. ONLY the "moving on part" not the "to another person" I'm so happy and indeed so glad that i finally have no one to think about. THOUGH sometimes there is this "particular person" that made my day upside down, HOWEVER, he is not the one. trust me, i know me very well. haha.

THANK you so much ADILA ZAZARIN and MUNIRAH ZAZARIN for helping me out with me blog. i know, i am so shitty in this blogging thing. all i know is to update and to look at other people's blog. haha. lame me:(

so what do we have here now? i have less then 24 hours(or so) to finish up THE ENTIRE homework! well not all of them due on monday tho.

BIG NEWS, AN ADVERT; PEARL NOW IS WEARING BRACES. NYAHAHAHAHAHA. OFFICIALLY IN SULA JAIL! I MISS YOU BUCA!

back to my story, yes so i seriously need to study like so damn hard. in other words, studying my ass off! yeap. and i know i shouldn't be typing this shits, because i didn't study at all yesterday nor today since i am bloody tired.-_- ergh.

oh well I'm just wondering, what is a scandal? according to my dictionary they have three meaning there. 1. something that is considered shocking or disgraceful. 2. an outburst of public indignation caused by something shocking or disgraceful. 3. G-O-S-S-I-P .. so which one is the exact one for people out there who kept saying "he is just my scandal"?

currently i am so engross about changing my template for my blog. since it is a bit boring and dull, so yeah i guess i should change it! :)

i shall continue another story to the next pose. haha. :))

BGIC.

2010-03-17T16:22:00.000+08:00

so let me tell you BGIC was fun. super fun! twas the greatest memories ever. ! so here are some of the pictures during BGIC. meet so many cool people! soo many new friends. i am so going to miss BGIC so much! this year is my last year, so i am happy with my decision! wooo!

quick update

2010-03-13T23:28:00.000+08:00

Did you ever fall for someone you know you shouldn't?
Try hard to fight your feelings, but you just couldn't?
You fall deeper with each passing day,
But try to hide it in every possible way.
He's only a friend, and nothing else--
That's the lie you keeping telling yourself.
You keep on saying he's just a bud,
But deep inside, you're falling in love.
You get so giddy when you meet his eyes,
But keep reminding yourself it isn't right.
A simple glance turns into a stare,
But you pretned that you don't care.
It's "not right" for you two to be.
Is that why you hide it so no one can see?
But how long will you pretend?
Keep lying that he's just a friend?
Perhaps your feelings you can never show.
Perhaps it's "wrong" for him to know.
Your friendship can't be risked over this,
So being his girl is an impossible wish...

seems that i never update now. so here some 'love talks'
ive been so busy with BGIC-- BORNEO GLOBAL ISSUES CONFERENCE.
and i am proudly to be the delegate of panama:)
haha.

so many drama happened. so little time to write. gotta sleep now. dont want to wake up late. x

sigh..

2010-02-13T00:07:00.000+08:00

love can be such an exhaustion seriously. sometimes, i am so grateful that i am not taken in other word single :) what a day..

school was okay? err wanna read something that is not that interesting? haha.. so me,munirah,rawiza and weng2 gave candies for V day yesterday because weng2 is not going to be here today because she went to sarawak for CNY.. so we all gave candies to our friends yesterday, YES including u know who. so the story went like this. early in the morning i wanted to give him the candy including the card that i made which is full of heart shape, and it look like a 5 years old card. anyways, i wanted to give the card in malay because no one was in the class at first because it was break time, but when i was about to give it to him, people came in to that class.. so there it goes my chance. BUT wait, its not finish yet, so i thought i can give it to him in lunch time, BUT then munirah came to me and told me that he's leaving to kl at 11 and that was like 10.30.. so what i did was went to the toilet wait for him outside physics's lab and gave it to him. and hopefully he likes it :D

went to mall just now. with them.. i love u guys:D

see you on monday! it'll be a wonderful day:D yeashh

oh and yes currently reading my sister's keeper. i know it was ages ago, but hey, im not a book person okay! haha

oh wait, its FEBRUARY?

2010-02-09T22:28:00.000+08:00

wow, u see, time flies like a super jet. i felt like last week was just the new year, now, its FEBRUARY? wow.. so february so far was really good. got a couple of pictures from the social. SOCIAL was fine i guess, i mean it was the best, somehow i felt like something is missing. anyways, i danced like hell, with 3inch high heels obviously..! haha

so yes, i decided to talk to him, not ignoring him anymore. well it's not that im still into him, but i think i have another about 3 months left in that school, so lets not make enemies. right? but the feeling was good. i mean i dont have to force my self not to talk him. just act normal.

yesterday was monday. second week of february, it was FINE, in PE we played HOCKEY, well i kinda love it somehow, as tho the stick gimme some kind of sportish power! haha.. fuurneeyy.. so it was FUUN. then for DT, i think i can finish it in two weeks time. hopefully.. very hopeful! haha

for a while, i am happy as penguin! haha.. i have no idea why, well the fact that kak jaja is coming here is one of the reason, but i am not sure lah why.. haha. so theres nothing much to talk about this week, YET.. so just enjoy the pictures..:))

goodnite folks. <3

its sunday!

2010-01-31T22:09:00.000+08:00

ahh~~what a nice weekend! i seriously enjoyed my weekend! soo many things had happen! and its all fun stuff! let me start with friday, because it is ziyun's bday so we all slept over at emipre because it was the king and I night and it is easy to go straight to the party.. and we talked all night and just talked till we sleep.. and before that we have to wait for ziyun to bring our foods which we all were like starving to death.. so me, rawiza, eve and maili took few pictures because we were really bored.. and yes it was cool then!

then the next day, went to mall with mom because mummy wanted to see her friends and stuff so I hangout with quarter of BENGGALI and of course with zul and baby, since fir was busy and stuff, so yeah.. it was fun because we rarely see each other now since all of us are like super busy with our own school life and etc. then we went to surau because rina wanted to pray but we wanted to pray at home, so this one arabian guy called us and started to give us a talk about life and souls and etc, which we were like kind of shocked by it, cause it was really such a random time, but twas good! real good..

later at night went to munirah's house then munirah and dila followed me home cause thet dont want to go to JP,so we just hang out and chitchat, until my mum came in and told them to sleepover because their mum is already late, so yes they did! we watched long khong 2 and munirah was veryy annoyed by the subtitle, well its very stupid tho, so i agree with you..
then the next day we watched PARANORMAL ACTIVITY.. twas very CREEPY and scaryyyy! no more talking about that.. enoughhh! haha, then later on, i followed them home and we like to laugh for random things! i love random!

:)) that's all, it was real good, thank you friends :))

hello world.

2010-01-22T22:24:00.000+08:00

damn right,

hello blog, wow haven't update quite long ey? well about a week yes? this is because i am so freaking lazy to go to the laptop and turn it on and such.. just very much lazy..

so, for the past few days, everything was alright except for this one thing, and its not about friends or boys or whatever, its just me.. it bothers me very much to think about this shitty things. but well i'll do my best, InsyaAllah.. my parents went to kl for maybe about two weeks or something like that. so i have been all alone at home since last tuesday.. it was alright, i mean i can cook, so theres nothing to worry about foods and such.. and i go to school with my dad's driver so theres nothing to worry about.

life lately has been on a great balance. as in tho its bad i still can handle things.. yup that's just about it. and once and for all, i seriously am moving on, slowly.. moving away from him. ripping away his images in my mind. wrenching violently this heart away from him.

last two days, wednesday, i do not know why there were so many people asking about me being in love. I AM NOT IN LOVE, AND I DONT WANT TO. what other words do you want to hear? i admit, i was a bit happy and hyper. but that doesn't mean im in love.. ? right? and yes, i do not know the main reason of my sudden happiness. cant i be happy randomly? and why am i asking such a rhetorical questions?? haha..

i am taking advantage of being alone at home by watching loads and loads of korean series.! haha.. and conquering remote control all by myself.. haha, yeapp. so i dont feel like going to mall and watch movies and such.. sometimes, it is really nice to just chill at home by yourself and having a such momentous moment! haha..

tata, xoxo

Education is not preparation for life; education is life itself.

FRIGGING EXAM IS OVER!!

2010-01-15T20:58:00.000+08:00

can i just THANK GOD NOW? exams are finally overr... FINISHTO! so last paper just now was geo, twas allright but i skipped one question with 3 marks!! so i was like what the hell.. all i care is that my mocks are over, and GET READY FOR the real one..! ughh.. yucks!

so after that me and munirah went to mega's house and then went to mall with rina and her mum..later on met fir and zul..haha two weirdos.. then i met a few of my classmates like ziyun, lisa, weng jin, eve and maili.. haha i swear to god they thought that im with zul..haha pfft of course not.. and then,ughh please, guess who i saw?! FALY, yucks, so not gonna say hye to him, not even in a million years! euw, fudge it okay?! but twas all right.. nice~ peace~ calm~ im happy~ haha..

so we went to the pirate dvd shop tu buy dvds i was about to but a korean drama called my fair lady or baituo, but then it was like$16.. and i dun want to spend my money that much! then wanted to buy psych season 1,but so lazy..ughh whatever..!! but hey i still have to korean drama need to watch, my girl from munirah and que sera sera from shorty..

so tomorrow im going to qii's house for a bbq..hope it'll be fun! yeahhh!! exams are over,thank GOD! but still i have the real one to go through..!hahahah

tata,xoxo

oh hello world..

2010-01-09T22:51:00.000+08:00

FINALLY..i can breath.i felt a bit free..hee.. so for the last four days, been caught up by EXAMS.. not cool.. science is like totally BS..stop BS-ing me oh science! haha..and i have a very strong feeling that next two week will be my worst week ever because then my results are ready for me..ugh, a strong feeling of mine saying that my science will be TOTAL B-S!!

so like right now im totally BORED! went to shorty's house but i was supposed to go to the airport but then my parents went to miri..great..and i am so in love with my nails..its called french manicure, if u dont know what's that, then refer to the picture above..yeap that's it..

so i borrowed some cool dvd's from shorty,and of course its all korean..and actually i borrowed sepi, because i've never watch that movie..people said its damn sad, and i am seriously not that type of person u know.. so i figured out oh what the hell, just watch lah..haha..

and now i am watching a video called the most cutest muslim nasheed. and i SWEAR to GOD i do not know why i cry every time i watch a clip or movies about children..ugh..SERIOUSLY..
haha.. anyhow amigos, good bye..i am very tired!!!

xoxo

a not so purpulicious!

2010-01-02T20:56:00.000+08:00

hello everyone..today was an awesome day..i had so much fuun!!!so basically everyone gathered at my house this morning because i did a small morning coffee with my friends..it was super fun..okay so i wanted to have theme for that gathering so i was thinking maybe i should do a barbie theme but then,pity the boys so i decided to do pretty in pink but i dont have any pink!HAHA..so purple it was..well not everyone wore purple only a few of us! so then the moms was gossipping and stuff with my mum..me and my friends just lepaking around the house..but i was so mean i teased one of the guy which we called baby with erm this another girl..and he blushed a couple of times. aww..<3 style="font-weight: bold;">wany,mega,munirah,zul,baby and APAN..haha..because we were just hanging around and karaoking like hell..and then we just gossips about stuff..and the funniest thing was, while we were so engrossed with our hot stories, baby went to toilet and he screamed so loud "weh tolong ahh" we were like..huh?maybe there is a ghost inside the toilet..or edward(which i soo dont like) and then aiman "ohh here come jacob to the rescue" then we found out that baby was stuck inside the toilet!!HAHA..something wrong with the door or something so zul kicked the door and the thingy on the door broke or something...from the stuck in toilet stories to ghost stories..HAHAHA..fuuunnn!!

tho it doesnt sounds really fun to you out there,but all i know i had fun and they are so cool..wish u were here jaja onnie:(..heeeee:))

okay i know this was suppose to be saturday's post but then my internet was corrupted so i forgot to update it the next day..haha..FUN..F.U.N

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

2009-12-31T19:53:00.000+08:00

people around me, i love you, thanks for having me in your heart and mind <3

err sorry i do not know what happened to the last edited picture..haha..i love you!!

happy new year everyone =)

8 days..

2009-12-27T16:03:00.000+08:00

so,we have another like 8 days..uncool.. i know..but well well, need to study more..HARD and HARDER..and i haven't study today..yet,tonight yes yes..HAHA

currently downloading lenka's song..i lllovvee HER..i love her her voice..!

so i went to fb and asked anita about my future and the answer was " Baizura sweetheart, your admirer is very much aware of you. You'll feel excitement and butterflies in your tummy. Try to be brave and accept the surprises coming soon" i so don't believe this shits..Haha..oppssiee soghie..HAHA

so lazy to type anything..GOOD LUCK with mocks to dearest year 11's.. =)

tinker bell!!

2009-12-24T22:28:00.000+08:00

so I've been watching tv the whole day and went out with my girls just now..it was fun fun and fun.. we watched santau,for me its the second time.. its not that i like it or whatever, it was no other movie to watch..well at first we wanted to watch alvin and the chipmunks but it was sold out, then, avatar, the seats was like in front of the screen, of course i dont want to sit in front there, my neck will be like ugh so sakit.. so then i decided lets just watched santau since it is still available and rawiza doesn't mind with it..haha..

then we went to the art shop,then we went to crepe me and munirah ate chicken toast..YUMM..so this week i think it was keeping up with the kardashians marathon and i have to tell you i really like that show because it reminds me of my sisters.. i mean not like my sisters are pretty and hot like them but like the way they show the love to each other and stuff.. you know? HAHA nvm, SIS i hope u get the point.. haha..

and i watched tinker bell just now..like both of the movie..woo hoo..i very much likes it..i love to live in fantasy tho i know my mum and sisters will say "get a life, dik" well that is pretty much my life.. i seriously cant wait for MAY.. i am going to study as hard as i can and deal with the exams.. and once the exams finish, KL here i come babyy.. driving license.. shopping.. part-time job maybe? hurmm we'll see.. and just have fun..oh god please..!insyaAllah.. =)

nervous..

2009-12-24T11:57:00.000+08:00

haha, hye, sexual seduction much?HAHA

i am seriously nervous right now..i do not know how to control it..nervous break down.yeap it is.. haha.. been studying lately..not a lot..but just a normal studying stuff.. i am so nervous because i do not know what is the correct technique to study. and i keep telling my self that im going study 12 hours a day but i didn't do it..why? because tv and internet always distract me like hell. yesterday i took about 2 hours and a half to study half of the physics book and guess what, i still have one more book to finished.. and don't even ask me about math.. i only studied math with munirah and that is all..yeap.. i am so -.-

yesterday and on tuesday we went to swim and its bloody hot..yes of course with the ceerrraazzyy zazarin's haha.. fun fun..i lap u guys :)

and later going to the mall with munirah and rawiza.. you see? how am i suppose to study.. geez u guys such a bad friends..HHAHAHA.. nooo.. jokes.. i miss u guys.. oh cmon, its just mock right..HAHA..

tireed...

2009-12-19T18:19:00.000+08:00

so so so tired now..and i didn't study at al all yesterday. and i might not study tonight coz i am very tired..i got this very gigantic boil that is really painful around my chest. it is really hard for me to breath and to move around.. and it keeps pounding sort of.. argh.. it becomes even more painful at night and early in the morning coz its cold..

so yes,yesterday my and parents went to miri and stayed over one night in marriott hotel. damn the swimming pool is huge but i didn't swim at all because we were busy shopping.. HAHA.. mum bought tonnes of stuff.. and i bought handbag..its okay la.

so right now i am so very tired.. haha.. adios people.. and to RAWIZA and MUNIRAH i am terribly sorry that i cant go out today.. nor tomorrow.. i spent like really a lot a lot a lot of money so i have to start saving again,then we can go jalan2 again..okey?im so sorry love..hey how about,hanging out my place? okey? reply me ASAP so that maybe i could prepare something?

thank you thank you DAD..!!he bought me somethung.. thank you so much and i like it. and also thank you for the lovely lovely trip.. may Allah bless you and us :)
tho the tuut tuut kind of stupid..but whatever..im thankful :) hehehe..

not gonna change it anymore until i have my part time job next year maybe? THANK YOU

nothing muchh..

2009-12-15T23:22:00.000+08:00

so what do u categorized this? fire hot? ^^

seriously nothing much la..WELL FINALLY i studied a bit of sciences just now.did some pass papers..and thats all, and yes, i was karaoke-ing then i realized that singing can be soo addictive. I started to sing at 9.30(since i cant watch the biggest loser asia,gee thanks astro,raining) until 11!! haha.. oh woww i sang a very hard song such as without you, greatest love of all, careless whisper and SUCI DALAM DEBU damn that's the best!! haha.. and others.. hehe..

so i bought some new dvd's such as drop dead diva, post grad and the private live of pippa lee.. OH KEANU REAVES, tho he's kinda old but who cares, i still thinks he's hot as a firee.. yea baby..HAAHA..i mean he is not hot as in WHITE hot(not being racist) but yes..HOT as a FIYAHHH(fire) teehee..

life has been really boring nowadays without anyone.. seriously want to watch zombieland and princes and the frog.. well maybe with rawiza later? hopefully.. haven't talk to her for so long.. and OMG three weeks left for MOCK exam.. shhaaitt im not ready lah.. haven't start on GEO and math. u know that is not good.!

arghh..i seriously need something new in my life.. something FASCINATING yes? oh please.. anything fun? i felt like im living in a very lonely planet.. euww.. cant wait until everything's over.. then go back to KL have fuun with my friends.. finding new cool colleges.. get to know a loads of new people.. !! wahh.. sounds very WOW isn't?

okay lads i'm out! gonna do some relaxing things for myself.. FACIAL.. uu yess.. then maybe padddy and manny tomorrow with mummayy..!

salaam everyone..may GOD bless you. =)

B=BORED

2009-12-13T22:07:00.000+08:00

See if you can think of friend and family names with the alphabet!

alia

bamiee

clarissa

dila

erin

farah

gaga,lady gaga?hahahaha

hilmi

izzati

jaja

kamal

lyaziz

munirah

natalia

omar

pearl

qimah

rawiza

syapika

thaqif

umar

vvvvv?

wanie

x-ray..haha

yan

Z zul

whats your name?	baizura
your age?	17
you single or taken?	taken by K.A HAHAHHAHA
what city you live in?	used to be in kl, now in bsb
who was the last person you text?	mimi
How many close friends do you have?	lotsaa
Were you popular in high school?	nahh..
How many times have you been in love?	so many times! haha.. i seriously dont know
How many serious relationships have you been in?	none
Can anyone trust you to stay absolutely?	yes
How many times have you been cheated on in relationships?	none
Do you like to go on walks?	yess
Do you like to dance at clubs?	yess
What are your favorite movie genres?	comedy,cartoons
What restaurants have the best foods?	CHILLIS..the best i swear
Do you like the snow?	maybe?
Do you think sex is an important part of a relationship?	nope
Last time you swam in a pool?	cant recall any
Do you have cable?	as in?cable that cable?
Favorite pizza toppings?	beef pepperoni
Chips or popcorn?	chips
Do you believe in love at first sight?	dependss
Love someone so much it made you cry?	durhhh
Favorite resturant?	CHILLIS
Are you a virgin?	no shhit, DURR..of ocurse
Do you drink?	water? yess
Do you smoke?	nope
Do you have any birthmarks?	i dont know
Are you shy or outgoing?	outgoing of course
Have you ever been out of state?	yes
Do you have a cell phone?	who do u think i am?caveman?
Would you rather text or call?	call
Do you like takin pictures?	absolutely
Have you ever been played?	donno
Have you ever played anyone?	pranked u mean? yess
Do you run your mouth?	??
What is your lucky number?	3 or 7
Do you look more like your mother or father?	mummy
Are you the romantic type?	heck no
Is your best friend a virgin?	YES
Are you more of a mommys or daddys child?	both
What kind of music do you like?	oldies..anything except for heavy metal
Have you ever brushed your teeth in the shower?	yep
Are you more of a quiet person, or loud person?	LOUD obviously
Are you more of a 'haha' person or a 'lol' person?	halol?
Do you pick fights for no reason?	YES
Are you more artsy or athletic?	none
Love or money?	MONEY
Where was your first job?	tadika sufi
Are you a fan of Twilight?	not reeaally
How old will you be in 3 years?	16..HAHA 20..GOD soo old
Have you ever bought anything on eBay?	nope
Have you ever been in a hot tub?	yes
Does anyone have any nick names for you?	yes
Are you on a laptop right now?	yes
Have you ever told someone you loved them and actually meant it?	duhh yes laa
How old is your current cell phone?	a year and half
Is there any jewelry you wear almost all of the time?	YES,earring
Have you ever been diagnosed with a mental disorder? HAHAHA.. YES?

what a great poignancy..

2009-12-13T12:23:00.000+08:00

i am going to be all alone in the next 3 weeks or so.. kak jaja and mega is leaving tomorrow.. and i will be blerghh.. lost, lonely, bored, etc.. and i don't even know when can i ever meet kak jaja again! that is very one sad thing..

i havent been online (msn) for quite long. im so lazy to do so. there's no interesting people to talk to. and it seems that all my friends in KL right now are so damn happy coz they finished their SPM and some of them already working in nearby mall and etc. i kept telling myself that should study so that i will not regret later, BUT u know.. LAZINESS always come and struck me.. not good.. sigh..

so currently i am surfing internet looking at newest fashion, reading gossips about the celebs, and approving all the requests in fb.. haha.. what a boring thing to do ey? i soo cnt wait to go back to KL which i have no idea when, BUT to shop til i drop and meet my CRAZY friends.. and just want to have fun! oh when will it come?! i seriously need to update my wardrobe. need new handbag!! for sure.. and i want new heels! and more.. of course.. haha

:) i am happy to be who i am, so please don't seize away my happiness, i beg u (:

happy is very healthy=))

2009-12-09T19:21:00.000+08:00

since the holiday started,i have been really happy and busy with all the plans that we planned..!yippy..that is why i havent blog for almost a week..so here are some pictures of my having fuun!but not for long coz mega,kak jaja and rina is going back to kl pretty soon.. so munirah,its just u and me!hahaha.. current mood: HAPPY+JEALOUS+SAD.. happy because finally its holiday and now i can concentrate on my revision,notes etc. jealous because all my classmates/schoolmates/friends in malaysia FINISHED SCHOOL FOR EVER.. they just finished their SPM yesterday and today..and some of the technical school, tomorrow is their last paper.. of course im jealous..DURR,i mean i was supposed to be there with them finishing my last paper tomorrow..but NOPE,studying for my mock exam now..how's that?and still have another 5 months to go..dude, that's really ages! oh well, THINGS HAPPENS FOR A REASON..so yeah whatever..!sad because i missed my friends soo much.. my JAMBAN gang, my SULA gang, my cousins, relatives, etc.. sigh.. its okay.. patient is the right path for the future? yeaa, something like that.. hehe..

so at 8 ish or so, going FINALLY start studying.. haha..

MARVELOUS, he is no longer in my mind. =) well at least for a while, hope so..

oh em gee..!

2009-12-03T22:31:00.000+08:00

finally,kinda,tomorrow is the LAST DAY OF SCHOOL..how awesome is that?not really awesome when u have to study..and u have like 4 weeks to study GEO,SCIENCE and MATH..well the rest maybe just go through some pass papers and shits..hahal..ohh EXAMMMMMM..teehee..

today was CALVIN's LAST DAY..COOL..aha,jokes:) saad.. well CALVIN good luck in Aussie okay? finally my life will be peaceful..jokes :) i think today was such a nice day, since it is sort of kinda second last day of term 1 and we are not going to see each other until a month after.. which we the year 11's are having our MOCK exam..scary..creepy..yes? i couldn't care less to what happened in English today, i was just daydreaming about my holidays..ahaha..then Malay was funny :D we watched POCONG(sp?) the indonesian one, ashraf sinclar was in it, so mengade okay, i mean he is malaysian why on earth does he wants to be in indonesian movie?gahh..and twas kinda scary,well some part of it..haha..okay yes,i screamed because..haha nvm,u know me..and then in bio,as usual did some stuff about CHROMOSOMES, MEIOSIS and MITOSIS...yeah.. lunch was longer because all the teachers have this christmas party and stuff... and SORRY MUN, i know i promised you to do ICDL exam after school today, but i am super lazy to do anything.. my mind is like on the mood for holidays already..sorry :S:S

after maghrib went to serusop and bandar to find a new battery for my stupid MOBILE PHONE..and then they kept saying "sorry finish" then the last shop,which was in yayasan they have it but its like $88.90 and my dad was like O.O haha.. dont u think its kind of expensive, i mean HELLO its only for the stupid battery not like the whole thing or shits.. HAHA, then i told my dad that just buy me a new phone i mean i didnt get anything for my birthday this year which was like 9 months ago..-__- haha, and my dad was like lets just keep looking for it.. and i really want either SE xperia or AINOOO.. xperia is soo cool, but the camera is like only 3.2 mpixel and AINO is like 8.0 mpixel but its too big..and cost like $788 whereas the xperia is only $678..i really don't want dad to spend a lot of money for me, but i desperately need a new phone :((

mufti day it is,tomorrow :) i got a date after school.. with 3 hot chicas!

say goodbye..

2009-12-01T20:15:00.000+08:00

such a day..today was fine..finally met kak jaja, and i was like rushing after school just to go to the mall,and mum said that i should come home first and pray and stuff then kak jaja called and said that the movie is going to start at 3.45 and it was like already 3.05 so i showered like a NINJA,very fast and straight to mall after that..and i was like running,and then jumping and screaming like nobody's business..haha.. ILY guys..

school was quite okay..erm yes,3 days left..still counting,cant wait..math was finee..we did this time trial thingy and one of the questions made me hungry..so i was like,argh whatever man..haha..hunggryy...then DT yerp twas okay..MALAY?yupp fine also i guess?u think?i think?i don't know..and then BIO was okay..and geo was okay..so basically today was just an okay day..

so louis asked me just now, about him,and i was like what the? noo.. and smiled. i like to have a friend like him, but i think i cant.. its hard to move on.. its all my fault.. i should never have that kind of feelings.. but yes.. maybe not seeing him for a month starting this friday,will help..maybe InsyaAllah.. its really painful.. and stop making fun of it, because it is not funny at all.. imagine if ur in my place, oh i bet some of them doesn't really care , because they don't believe in karma..

that picture up there, is soo emo, seriously.. haha.. so yeah.. who cares, and im not an emo person.. and JIWANG? far awayy.. hahaa

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

OMG!!!!!!

2009-11-30T19:16:00.000+08:00

im soo happy and sad at the same time..haha

okay so at first i was sad because my sisters went back already.and yes hello come loneliness again..but i had fun..seriously i did..and yesterday we watched new moon together with mega n rina, and of course my sisters.. damn it was FFUUUN..i mean HELLO it was alright..a lot of people were like "new moon is so not fun,bla bla"and HELOO,it made me cry okay..like 4 times..haha,it reminds me of ermm...nvm. erm yes yes, and mega kept telling me that her friend is coming back and i kept asking who and she was like 'adalah' and she kept saying that u will know on tuesday..i was like omg just tell me, and she laughed..

so just now, mega called me, and she was like somebody wants to talk to you so this person was like "HELLO BAII" and i was like SHIIT, i know this voice..and she was like "didn't u recognize my voice"and i was like screaming like HELL, KAK JAJA??!!! and i almost cried..!! OMG SHES HERE!! IM SOO HAPPY!! I WAS LIKE SCREAMING AND CRYING..

HAHAHAA..OHH JAJA ONNIE..!rinduuu..and yes of course im going out with her straight after school tomorrow..damn baby!!

and just now, me and yong took jumping picture.!!COOLIOO

IM SOO HAPPY,but i dont wanna face him.. i just dont want to.. i know i said im moving on, but clearly i cant.. whatev, im just goonaaa have FUUN WITH MY LOVELIESSS!!

so loong..

2009-11-29T00:34:00.000+08:00

yeshh,soo long i didn't blog..no time..at all..at first i was very busy for drama courseworks than geo coursework..but THANK GOD,it all over now..yes finally..and the last few days has been such a good day of my life..no stress..so on thursday night, my sisters came for eid adha..and they are going back soon,on monday.. so fast, i know..:(

Friday was FUUN..came to school like 5 minutes earlier than the other day and Mr. Hayward was like whats wrong with u today?u came early..so lame lah you..haha..then math was okay,english was fine,geo was perfect..well sort of..i managed to avoid him so far a week already, and yes i know i can do it..pleaseeee!

then after Asar went to kampung ayer with my sisters and mun's family..it was really fuun! haha, soo fuun! we went to one of this people's house and on the inside it was like "WOAAHHH" damn..

then at night i really wanted to go to rhi's but then i cant..because on the next day i have to wake up early..which i did..just now i woke up at like 5.50 like that,prayed subuh,showered,and went to hicom for the eid adha thingy..it was actually fun u know..i LOIKE it..then there were like tonnes of cakes..chocolate,blueberry,banana and banyak lagii! it was like a cake party or something..COOLIO..took LOADS of pictures..hahaah..

and after the sembelih thing i hang out at the lobby with munirah,mega and my sisters..then we started,well i meant ME talked to daus.. well it was kinda awkward because we havent talk to each other for like sooo long..like what?8 months or more? and u know why.. and i asked a few questions about faly,like why he did that and stuff, and he was like "that story was like ages ago" but still for me, i still want to know the truth.. and yeah, i just i have to ask him by myself.. but not now..one day yes..one fine day..

and i seriously think im having insomnia..i CANT SLEEP..and i am not SLEEPY..this have been for like a week ago..:( NOO.. and i just googled the symptoms..and all of them were like 100% true..not good..

munhaha..!!

2009-11-25T01:07:00.000+08:00

munirah is beside me destroying my life at 1:10am.. and she said "dude, i can see it from here" weird much..HAHAHA..

havent blog for so long..and i blame munirah for sure..HAHHA..because she likes to kacau me with her creepy bubble song..haha.. OMG..seriously dont make her sing that song..teehee.. :))

i am chatting to nick! he is soooo cool! we are talking malaysian malay!! u rock!

SCHOOL is SUCK as usual..hey karam is coming ti haunt u..PREPARE..HAHAH..WEE:))

bye see u later in the el ele elevatorrr..

holding back..

2009-11-19T21:22:00.000+08:00

raining started from 11 something till late evening just now.. 18th november, yesterday, exact 4 months shes gone.. in my eyes, in my heart, in my mind, she will always have place there.. feeling aggrieved not be there for her final day, God loves her more than i do..WE i meant.. i felt such a bad person.. she was a happy person, most outspoken among us.. i know she will be happy if i have good grades in school.. she will be happy to see me happy.. she spent her night with me, i slept with her and her husband will sleep in somewhere else.. haha, she really loved me that much.. things, she gave everything i want.. she spoiled me very much.. i can even make 5 novel just to talk about her.. all of her friends knows me as her daughter.. sighh.. tearss..

today, i dont have any homework, so i was very bored and saw some old picture, well it was last years not that long.. school today was fine.. nothing much..

GOD, we all loved her very much..

OH MY GOD!MY GIRLS..

2009-11-18T19:12:00.000+08:00

ohh yeahh..omg,GUYS out there..watch out my girlsies are damn pretty now..gotta watch them here : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlJ93EwsgJs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sTtwxB1PK_o

thats my girl yaww.. JAJA and WANIE.. FUCKING PRETTY yawww..i feel like crying now..soo happy to see them!!(L)

i love my day today damn it was good..... but i seriously missed JAJA n WANIE soo much :( and i always cry every time i think about them:((

gahhh..:((

SPM!!!

2009-11-17T20:31:00.000+08:00

yo SPMers.. good luck for ur exam tomorrow!!! oh my god, i can feel it too..because u know how i am supposed to be there with u guys for the BIGGEST EXAM in teenagers LIFE.. lucky guys.. then school, DONE, FINNISH.. no more school.. COLLEGE TIME.. luckyy.. i still have another 5 months or so to go.. guys i wish u lots of LUCK!! do it for ur future!! this will determines ur future..! haha.. 11 subject in one month..! no pressure.. i wish i can go back to KL on december but i cant.. i have exams..! but its okay, i will call each one of u..! whatever it is, i love u guys okay?! goo SPM SPM SPM!!! woohoo.. :))) lub yahh..

TODAY : math exam was just okay-ish.. but the things that i studied didnt come out at ALL.. and dt was okay.. got my stuff for the real thing, WOW, it is very bigg! its like 900mmx900mm? big lahh..!woww.. malay was okay.. chatted to lisa about his new guys..WOO..go lisa..haha.. and lunch time it was raining again..and i spent it in front of physics lab.. and me as usual being silly and stuff..

went back with munirah and watched korean movie called speed scandal..SOO NOICE..BUT munirah slept at the end of the movie and after that i played feeding frenzy..HAHA..

damn, i love you kott....

OHH LALA

2009-11-16T18:51:00.000+08:00

u know what?i have math EXAM tomorrow.. not test.. BUT EXAM..and guess what?i havent even study anything yet u know u know?! gahh..

so, let's see, PE is damn fine.. ME LIKEY PE TODAY..coz we played among the girls so it was sooo much better.. because u know how boys can be bewy bewy tuut tuut when it comes to sport.. DT was fine, i just need to photocopy some shitss and then label it AGAIN.. physics..HOMYGOD, so sleepy okay, to tell u the truth i dont even know what i learned today in physics.. it was very ZZzzZZ..then drama was OKAY.. we watched a movie called 'dead poet society'..SAAD:( it is about oppression.. and we got our coursework back..and i need to redo a lot of shits and its due next monday..how can it be possible? i mean i have geo lagi.. gahh.. REMINDER: do all the shits when u have time..no last minute works..! gahh

i don't want to study for math..GRAPH isn't my thing..gahh.. okay okay gonna study a bit and then do my dt a bit..and the study again..wanna sleep early lah.. didn't sleep at all yesterday..gee thanks geoo..

TODAY: we didn't talk at all.. im confused even more now..i mean, i really want to talk to him and stuff.. okay wait, we talked but not like talk-talk, more like joking around.. and i don't know why im missing him soo much, its like i haven't seen him for more than a week or something.. gahh:(

weirdd day

2009-11-14T23:30:00.000+08:00

i went to SOASC today with munirah.. she picked me up around 10 like that. but then when we arrived school the bus isnt there.. so we were like wondering why the bus isnt there.. and a lady came to us and asked us if we are going to SOASC by bus and we said yes and she vanish just like that.. and rawiza had to call lisa a few times to picked us and then not to picked us up and so onn.. haha.. when we reached SOASC, nobody was there.. NO ONE.. not even the IB's.. its just five of us, me, munirah, lisa, rawiza and shaf..

i was supposed to go out with them but then rawiza and mun cant because their parents doesnt allow them to. so mega called me if i want to join her but i said i'll think about it. and at 1.30 i called them and asked what time is the movie and they said at 2.00.. so i was like i wont be there at 2 because we were about to have our lunch, so of course it will take about 20 mins to eat, and to get ready and bla bla.. so i told her that im not coming anymore.. they watched 2012.. i wanna watch that movie real BAD.

and then ziyun messaged me and ask me where i am because she saw BOB.. and i was like WTF..BOB is at the mall? and i told her i couldnt come bla bla.. and she was like i think u should be here, because i think he is going to meet someone.. maybe a girl.. and i was like WTF.. no way man.. haha.. and then she text me again and said, haha no lah he was alone with his friends.. haha, i was like fuhh thank god.. FUNNEEY.. coz i supposed to be there but im not.. haha.. whatev..

then after Isya we went to serusop because ayah wanted to make his baju and stuff.. and right after that we were supposed to have dinner then i heard something like really loud noise in our car.. i was like panicked and told my dad to turn off the radio and the noise became louder and my dad said something wrong with the tyre.. and then found out that the tyre was punctured and we were like WOOOO.. panicked for a while.. u know me.. haha.. then my dad drove the car slowly to the nearest gas station (thank god its just like a few meters away) and then changed it.. poor daddy it was raining so i went down and held the umbrella for my dad.. such a good daughter (A).. went home and then changed car went for a dinner in jerudong.. so farr

and now, i am very full and i am going to do my geo and DT.. tata
mwah2.. haha

in your eyes...

2009-11-13T19:17:00.000+08:00

today is friday the 13th!!did something bad happen to me?nahh..its crap okay! ahha.. school was very okay-ish i guess.. nothing bad happened..

math was dumb shit okay?! next week ada test for math and its like everything we learned the whole frigging term.. and to tell you the truth, me and graph, will never ever be united.. ahaha.. i mean GRAPH.. dude, its just too complicated.. gahh..

then english, it was fine, she gave us some candy.. and seriously it made me hyper.. like super hyper.LOL.. today was the shortest friday, dont u think? and we have to do poem, and oh my, why am i so good in this stupid thing?.. i finished bewy early..AHAHA..woohoo..went to geo after that, dude today i was like very 'blank' in geo.. and Mr. Brown kept asking me tonnes of questions and im like 'err,ermm' hahah..LOOOL

and my dad and his driver came a bit late, so me, munirah, lisa and rawiza were lepak-ing and we saw bari, and he was very rude..:( not cool.. :( bii saad now :( haha..

after school ryn texted me said she wanna come over and hang.. and i said okay but like at 4 because my mum wanted to go somewhere, and of course i have to follow..but then at 1.30 i slept UNTIL 3 then i woke up to pray zohor.. then i wanted to text her that i am not going out anymore, and then i forgot, and slept again until 6!!! woke up again for maghrib, and then i felt sooo dizzy.. haha.. and then i told my self not to sleep anymore, eat instead.. HAHAHA... such a PIGG man.. and now i am going to do some dancing.. teehee.. weewoo..

KESHA- WHILE YOU WERE SLEEPING, damn its niceeee! omg.. but i couldn't find the lyrics.. i guess its really new.?

i really don't know what to do now.. i lost my hopes, but i still believe that something good going to happen.. how is that possible? :S:S i don't know..

es usted que quiero, y quisiera realmente que usted supiera eso te quiero

cómo puedo funcionar de usted?

2009-11-12T23:54:00.000+08:00

you know what it means? como puedo funcionar de ustad? it means how can i run from in Spanish.. i actually learned spanish quite long ago..back when i was in primary.. by just watching tv, i can almost understand everything they said without even looking at the subtitle. and right now i am trying to remember a few spanish words.. the one that i remember until now is "por siempre tu" 'te queiro" and my fav one is "AMIGOS PARA SIEMPRE" means friends for always..awwww..

i cant sleep and right now is already 12.02AM.. i couldnt sleep and i am still thinking about my life..school, love and anything to do with life.. u see up there? a picture of cute babies.. i have no idea why i love kids so much.. and i couldn't resist it.. and babies actually made me cry.. don't u think babies are like the most beautiful creature that we can create..well GOD i meant..haha..

and i remember this one ad about a bay turned to be a very naughty toddler but then one day, while his mom was working, he called his mom and played a happy birthday song using piano and his mom cried.. and i cried too!! omg.. i am a very soft person for this. but not to other things.. i can be very mean.. and B*****..u know what i mean..haha

i've been thinking about him lately, and i seriously think i should do something, either to move on or to tell him the truth.. i think the best thing to do is to move on.. i think he's too young for all this mushy stuff.. i'm glad enough to like him without any worries.. like "i think that girl likes him" or "i think he likes her" and u know stuff like that.. i am just going to do absolutely nothing.. just going to let the faith do HIS work..:))

O.K

2009-11-12T19:18:00.000+08:00

i don't know why but it seems that i don't have much time to blog like every single day..my day is filled with homework and coursework..no joke man..

so yesterday was alright..stayed back after school for the hospitality education thingy..so, i think i already made my mind I'm going to take hotel management right after IGCSE..maybe, diploma 2 years and a half in kl then maybe go somewhere to like australia or what so ever..everything was just okay yesterday..

and as for today..it is kind of a crazy day for me..and i like it..except...tutor time, Mr. Hayward is being very annoying and i think he is pmsing..at first he asked me and ziyun to sit in front of him and like to tucked our chair inside table and bla bla..then he was looking at ziyun and said "dont make me mad at you"wtf?? what the hell is wrong with him.. and then sandy came so we hugged each other and he was like"stop hugging or im going to give u detention" we were like what the hell? you dont give detention for hugging people..then sandy was like saying something about her wife and we all laughed out loud and he was like what did she say..and i was like i dont know.. and then ziyun asked him to filled up the questionnaire and he answered rudely "ziyun dont interrupt me while im talking, do you do this when ur in korea? is everyone in korea rude like this?" WE ALL WERE LIKE WTFFF?? seriously what is wrong with him? thank god i don't have him for my math or any other subjects.. gahh

and english was okay.. we learned oh few new words like 'uffda', 'mbbukki mbukki?' somethng like that..and our answer was not bad..but what a funny word it is,uffda actually means 'opps' haha..malay was okay as usual..erm chem was fine,and we have to hand in our book and i haven't finish a lot of stuff actually..haha..and icdl,LOL..LISA,omg..she threw a frigging pad to rawiza and then threw it at me and dared me to give it to LOUIS then she said no,to CIKGU..wtf?and in malay lisa stick the thing on RAIWZA's ICDL FOLDER..haha..LOL..AND had this MAJOR weird moment with thaqif, he was like calling me 'DOCTOR CLEAN' i was just trying to be nice and he suddenly got mad at me because the sanitizer dropped at his shirt..WTF..arghh..!!!

and and malay extra class was okayyy..

and i think i need to move on since nothing happen..and i don't want to wait any longer..im tired..:(

dedication to you..

2009-11-10T17:20:00.000+08:00

what the F?people now know my blog..s***..its okay..mcm dorang paham..teehee..

so yesterday was a shitty day..ade org nk marah2,emo2..and dorang dapat tau my blog..well who cares? its my blog kan..so because of that gonna write in rojak.. only some of them yang faham..

so today ayah and ibu amik kat skolah then straight away g clinic.. buat injection for cervical cancer thingy..ouch..sakit kott.. then makan2 then balik..
now i am blogging

oh shit tomorrow ade chem test..wooweeyy.. rocks just not my thing.. it is bewy confusing..

and this is for you SISTER.. i saw havana shoes that u wanted before..but mummy said u already have hers..so no no..i will buy for u since its cheap,BUT..tolong bwk brg2 adik leh? hehe

so here are the things:
1. my cuci muka,from maklong
2. my black shirt, i think i left it in my PWEETY room..
3. NAIR!!yg sprayy
4. erm ape lagi? since i am not coming back until like next year,care to buy me some new pweety baju?hehe..
5.and and, ape2 yang patut ah..

and and..mummy marah u ckp2 pasal office in ur blog..mummy said nanti people baca2 then kecoh2 kat boss..ayoot..

now maghrib sudahh..time prrrayy yow..sissyy..i want a new handbag PLASEEE..nanti adik urut2 korang..nak yang boleh taruk2 pampers sume lah..botol susu kan..hahaha

heee..i know u miss your lil cute pweety adorable sis..

oh myyy..

2009-11-08T19:24:00.000+08:00

i am home alone..and it is heavy raining outside.. my parents are coming back tomorrow.. i still have tonnes of homework to do ; dt, drama and chem.. i guess i am not going to sleep at all tonight.. argh. my life is a beautiful poignancy..

so haven't blog for a while.. mega sleepover my house since friday night.. and she supposed to sleepover my tonight but due to the heavy rain i asked her to go back with her mum.. i am okay..i guess.. with the heavy raining and all? yess, im fine i guess.... oh GOD..

munirah might come and teman me tonight.. maybe. oh god, why am i keep disturbing people? and and.. arghh..

so me and mega had this really heart to heart conversation bout almost everything.. its really nice, thanks mega.. ily.. and she told me a few things..about you know who.. so i wasn't really sure whether i should do it or not.. oh GOD

i really have to go now.. DT DT DT DRAMA DRAMA DRAMAAAAAAAA!!

GOD help me clear things up. i cant do this anymore..

gold digger.. =)

2009-11-05T20:33:00.000+08:00

so what if i decided to be a gold digger?? hahaha..okay well why not? hhaha..

i went out like really early in the morning.. at 9. okay well not so late tho.. then went to mommy's friend's house then coffee zone for brunch.. then went to watch pisau cukur with the aunties and rina and mega.. oh man,pisau cukur really inspires me to be a gold digger.. HAHA

the funny thing was the conversation between me and the cinema guy over the fon:

CG(cinema guy) : hello cinema blablablabla..
me: hye do u have pisau cukur today?
CG: haha,sorry?
me: oh erm i mean, today ada cerita pisau cukur?
CG: yeah..at 2, 4 blablabla..
me: oh okay,saya nak book boleh?
CG: ohhh bolehh..berapa orang?(in bruneian way)
me: erm 8 orang..? dengan satu budak
CG: oh awak org malaysie ye?(with malaysian way)
(i was like WTF?haha.. it is so funny,its like hes trying to speak malaysian style)
me: ermm yeah..kenapa?ade discount ke?
CG: eh eh TAK DE LAH..LOL(a really hard trying malaysian way)

okay overall,that guy is really funny and when i took the tickets he was like "oh awak yee"haha i was like "haha yeaa" and walked away.. its cool!! haha... twas fuuun! haha.. i LIKE IT!

and munirah and azrina,im so so soorrrryy i couldn't join you guys! :( i feel really baaad! my cramp is worst now..:(

i want to be a happy childish person with you :')

crazy!!

2009-11-04T18:15:00.000+08:00

i couldn't sleep at all last night. i was so hyper. but then it was okay. my life is a beautiful poignancy. i don't know any other words that i can use to describe my life. i am not sure if its a night mare or a beautiful dream.. yesterday i dreamed about this guy whom i known about 10 months ago?? yeah around that time. i started to have this crush/feeling or what so ever two months after. until about 6 months after that i totally went crazy for him. i couldn't even think properly everytime he's around me.. but, after that, i have this really strange feeling that i don't care anymore. till now... the dream made me smile, tho its weird. i am not going to tell what happened since it is a very long story and i am very lazy to type anything. love is a beautiful thing. i do not understand why some people doesn't want to accept the love from the opposite sex. God created males to be with females. everyone has their own future. God already created a future for us. but its up to us either wants to follow the right path or the other way round.

i am really glad that there is no school tomorrow. because i can spend more time doing dt and hanging around at home..yeapp the guys are seriously making me #@P**@R&*!!!! but alhamdulillah i managed to control my temper.because you never know what will happen once u open ur big mouth. this is an oppression, this Allah's creature (no name mention).. every things he said is worthless, and i am trying my best to be nice but Ya Allah he is very immature. he act like he knows everything and i don't mind that at all, but, Astarghfirullah.. lets just forget about that, i am nobody to judge people. i am his Ummah too.

and please stop judge me negatively. i am not fake for trying my best to be a better Ummah, daughter, sister, student and a friend. and why do u need to do that? have you ever look into the mirror and study yourself? what's so great about yourself that u could judge people like that. well maybe because we are human that's normal things to do. but you don't have to spread bad rumors. do you?

i swear to god my pms is over the limit.. im so emooo...gahh. !! anyway, may peace be upon you.

i do not know what else to do.. i am so lost in your eyes. please bob, do something to me, hypnotized me with your love.

luck-ey?

2009-11-03T23:50:00.000+08:00

well i am kind of lucky.. kindaa! finished eng and drama WOOT.. alhamdulillah.. hope i will get better marks? yes, insyaAllah..

weekend with no parents?! uhh yeahh.. PARTIESS..hahah HELL YEAH.. NOTTTT.. sister, when are u coming back? like the exact date? can u buy me 3 bottles of the nair spray thingy..? hehe.. weehoo, sank u.! and ignore that bitch..opssss i mean that lady..HAHA,shes just jealous because ur happy walaupun berbadan begitu!!HEHEHE..

what will happen if i eat the whole sugar free chewing gum? nothing right? im soo addicted to mentos chewing gum..GAHH

i have nothing to write..-__- because there's no cool thing to talk about..

malay part

eihh..bosaaann! tak de bende kot nak tulis.. asik makan tdo beraak.. yucks! pastu J.E tumbuh cam cendawan.. bersepah2 tanpa diundang. tiada lelaki hot atau yang best nk diceritakan.. semua cam mintak penyapu jek.. nih kalo ade geng2 karoke best nih.. lepas geram.. argh, saya rindu mat rempit..HAHAHAHA.. sunyi ah.. tak de bunyi rempit, bunyi lrt, bunyi org masak2, org gado2 blakang umah, org ckp2 tepon.. haha.. rindu kot nak jadi ganas2 ni balik.. kat sini ckp baik2 je.. takut tersalah ckp nti merajuk la, jadi bahan UTAMA makanan kat isb pulak kan. maleh eden nak layan. eden lapo..!!mak aii rindu nye ckp utara ngn minah2 sula tuu.. haihh.. bile ader asik gado, xde rindu.. cam bercinta plak korang ni.. hahaha..

okay enough! :)

p/s: you know what? for the last three days, i didn't even think about you. not even once. i moved on? YEAY

erk.

2009-11-02T21:08:00.000+08:00

i fell asleep after isya just now and woke up with an angry mood i don't know why. and i hate to admit it,maybe yes, i am having my pms. ergh. i woke up at like 10-is and went to eat sushi with mum and then went to mun's house. she conteng my hand with the henna, and it looks like im having skin cancer..-__- thanks munirah. haha

im trying to finish my english tonight, hopefully. drama, almost. and the whole day for tomorrow going to do just DT.. hopefully can finish it. and oh damn, yes, and study for chemistry.

gonna watch edward scissorshand now..WEEHOO..

bye.

KURA KURA SAKTI!!

2009-11-01T22:59:00.000+08:00

yeahh kura kura sakti :) i love you.. my invisible pet.. unlike someone, who has a pet called LILO..haha.. why do u have to put that name? why cant it be like ARNAB SAKTI :)

oh by the way.. I LOVE that movie! serendipity, i reccomend u guys to buy that movie! it is actually happening in real life we just cant see it.. oh how i love that movie. ive been watching it since i was like 9/10? haha, thats why i am so dramatic in LOVE.. thanks to you SISTER..teehee..

i did nothing much today. just went to massaged with my mum, and my whole body now is even achier than before! AHHA

and i need to tell you something, i am actually an ALIEN..boohoo.. HAHA..omg ur so lame MUNIRAH..i am not an ALIEN.. obviously!

so maybe tomorrow going to eat sushi..yeay..then going to hussy's place..HAHA oink oink, i miss your randomnesssss..!

i wish you could step up from that land my friend

sugar sugarrrr!

2009-10-31T20:31:00.000+08:00

went to SOASC today and there were no students.. AT ALL..then went home with ms sexy munirah, and we ate ice cream on a cold day.. cool ey.. then freaking bitch CLARISSA called me and said that she was bored to death, haha and we were suppose to go swim but my dad left me alone at home. went for a golf. so, ryn picked me up and then we watched michael jackson this is it. it was okay. the DANCE, WOO.. when can i dance like that.. teehee. then i bought a ring for my mommy.. and YESS she said ITS LOVELEYH..mummy loves it..hehe yeehaa..

as for now, i am going to do my drama, while watching some movies i bought yesterday.. and then SLEEP..tomorrow going massage with my mom.. mother-daughter day.. come to think of it, everyday is mother daughter day for me! haha.. because i am all the time with her.. mummy asked to find any cheap tickets for next month so that sisters can come, unfortunately CIMB loves cho so much so she cant come.. and mummy doesnt want to go back because doesnt want to leave daddy alone, and daddy doesnt want to go back because he wants to work. dad, you're workaholic ok.. haha..

so anyway, i asked my dad if he can get me a new cool sony ericson and he said "kan baru beli" i was like..NOO it was last year. hehe.. since he doesnt want to bu camera for me then why not a new phone? advance birthday gift.. teehee.. kakak2 jangan mare :)

so so so the pictures are the phone that i want..either SE satio(the red one) or aino (the white one)..but i dont like satio coz its touch screen..i like aino but then its only 8mp whereas the satio is 12mp yo..at first i wanted xperia but then the buttons are to damn small..hehe..OOHH AYAHH, i want new phone pleeassee!

is ignoring your middle name?

stupid for you

2009-10-30T18:31:00.000+08:00

It's not everyday

That I find a person quite like you
Perfect every way
I finally found the nerve to confess that it's you - that I want
I don't care if I act a fool
I would damn near beg for you !
Put aside, all my pride
So don't keep me hanging here
Cause this girl is falling stupid for you..
Stupid for you..

The proper thing to do
Is for me to act like a lady and wait
For you to make the first move
But I don't think you're getting the point
That it's you - that I want
I don't care if I act a fool
I would damn near beg for you
Put aside, all my pride
So don't keep me waiting here
Cause this girl is falling stupid for you!
Oh, oh stupid for you

Why's it always feel like I am
Chasing love when nothing's there
And here I go just making the same mistake...

I've fallen stupid for you..

is it karma?

2009-10-29T19:37:00.001+08:00

i woke up at 3 to pray isya' because i slept earlier than that. and then woke up at 5.55 still got the chance to pray my subuh, Alhamdulillah. then straight after that, i update my English book because i just remembered that i need to paste all the papers ans stuff, so i went to mandi and wore my cloth and everything, and then studied for ICDL which i failed again. see that's the bad luck im talking about. i studied the whole thing like again and freaking again, but i dont know why, i cant even pass over 75%. what the hell is happening to me?

but thank GOD nothing happened just now with Mrs. O because me n ziyun were freaking the hell out and scared that she is going to chop off our head. so, i manage to say 'Laillahailla anta subhanaka inni kuntum minazallamin' over and over again until its all over. yes, she did lecture us a few stuff like 'u know ur in set 1,u shouldnt do this'.. etc. but it was alright then. at first i was panicking and as usual as im panicking, i cant breath properly and haha, im sorry thaqif, for making your life miserable because i was like freaked out in front of him and he was like, 'B calm down,' but i continue panicking and then he was like 'BAIZURA CALM DOWN,RELAX' ahaha. i know deep down inside him, he's scared like hell :) haha

and back to the track, i went to NICT this morning at break time to look for my pendrive but i couldn't find it. OH GOD, i don't know where i put it? GOD, please, half of my life are all inside the tiny magic stick. GOD.. and tomorrow is INTENTIONAL DAY. yeah yeah, gonna be fun, but to reach the fun destination i have to finish my geo, because its due tomorrow. after school was malay extra class, Ya Allah, why am i losing all my malay skills? my own language? i don't even know whats ayat majmuk.. what happened to me? why am i losing all this skills, why am i having a bad day/week/month? i got to keep pray to Him. all of this are His test, i got to go through it with patiently and taqwa.

i know things happen because of a reason, and i BELIEVE that all this things that happens to me are because of a reason or maybe more. we just cant see it right and i was chatting to rawiza just now, and she was telling me 13 signs of you know your in love. and i have to say that all 13 of it are perfectly correct. i know i keep saying im moving on, but i am just a human being, and we cant tolerate if its to do with love :)

ya Allah, help me. show me the right path.. amiin.

bad luck..

2009-10-27T21:30:00.000+08:00

i still believed that he brought budluck to my life because i swore at him many times.. and also because what i did to my parents, friends, disobey His rules. Ya Allah forgive me, please.. i am so freaking out right now, i lost my pendrive. i do not know when was the last time i used it. but i think it was yesterday in SICT with lisaa and azrina, i printed drama homework. and i am pretty sure i forgot to plugged it out. HOPE SO.. oh my god. both of my pendrive. everything is in there. geo, eng, dt, drama. OH GOD..

i do not know why i feel so emo lately.. been listening to sad song like, from the bottom of my broken heart, battlefield, already gone, everytime, goodbye to you and more. i just dont know why. am i getting my period very soon? why am i acting like this? i do not know why..

i miss talking to him in school, but if i want to move on, i need to keep ignoring him, thats the only way. unless, i dont mind getting hurt again, then i shall talk to him? yes? no?

Missing someone gets easier everyday. Because, even though it is one day further from the last time you saw each other, it is one day closer to the next time you will

i miss you..

2009-10-26T19:57:00.000+08:00

why i cried? at first i went online at like 8-ish and chatted to a few people. then faly came online, i chatted to him and webcam with him, and suddenly i felt grieved when i looked at him smiling on the camera, its him, i guess i really do miss him, so much. and then i went to my sister's page on facebook and there was an album where they did barbecue at our house in KL, and jaja, wanie, bamie ,baiz and aiman were there! and i felt that it is really unfair, they are at my house, without me? what is this? i should be there, with them, laughing with them, eating with them, show them my room, my pictures of when i was small and stuff like that..! this is UNFAIR! i started to cry when i looked at each of their faces and they look happy, and im not. i cried like hell, i miss them.

i am not sure whether i already accept faly's oppologies or not, it is weird, i miss him but im still mad at him. he is the first guy who knew everything about me, he probably now happy with his own life, friends, and i guess he already forgot how to talk to me. i dont know why i let him walk into my life again. he was a very good friend of mine. a good listener. funny boy. i never like him more than a friend and a brother. so, when people thought i like him more than a friend it makes me feel angry and irritated by it. it was the first time i feel so comfortable with the opposite sex. we doesnt know each other much at first, but seems that as time pass by we were getting closer and closer until one day, i found out he lied to me. i still want to know what was the real reason, from his own lips, not from others. i know it might involve families, but i want to know the truth, yet im scared to know the truth. its all blurry. i dont know. why am i missing you so much? i think its all your fault. if we are not that close,then things like this will not happen, i think.. ahhh, i dont know. just let time and faith decide what will happen to us.

They say when you are missing someone that they are probably feeling the same, but I don't think it's possible for you to miss me as much as I'm missing you right now

happy birthday ****h

2009-10-25T11:47:00.000+08:00

hahaha..it was clarissa's birthday and it was fun-ish? haha..idk it was bored at first because freaking ziyun and clarissa went to gadong and the funny thing was, they ate there in excapade and left shorty,manny and weizhe alone in the room? and i was waiting for them like for so long! GAH..and then i met these three ib guys, they were okay, but it was really awkward coz i never see them in school well sometimes but like i dont even know their names. but then it was okay.. we played taboo, and i am not sure what the games called but it is something like CLUEDO?or whatso eva idk.. and then we played this card called BULLSHIT..nice..haha it was pretty cool, we used tonnes of names.. and then we played truth or dare, and they dared me to call thaqif and say "i love u" hell no! i will do it if i love him, but the thing is no, i dont love him.. yucks.. and then we played spin the bottle, and don't ask any questions about it.. YUCK!

and then at 12 we cut the cake, well C did and we smashed a slice of cake into her face and yeah, it was okay.. and then we slept, it was freaking cold, and freaking ziyun sleep the earliest and woke up like after everyone woke up, and still she's sleepy, what a whim. haha.. LOSER.. LOL.. then she was hungry and start throwing tantrum like a kid.. and C was unwell, God it was pretty tense.. for a while, then we went to jacuzzi and they kayaked around the beach/lake? or what so ever..haha and yeah i wanted to go home early because my mom is doing a hi-tea and the themes is going to be polka dots, and of course i have to help stuff.. and then tonight i have to go tahlil for people that is going to HAJI. and omg, seriously, i swear to ALLAH, i havent start anything for my DRAMA. and its due tomorrow and i have to do like 2 works.. omg! i have no idea if i can finish it by tomorrow or tonight.. OMG

hey boy, i think you are very adorable, lets play some scrabble ;) it rhymed ! woot woot!

what a day :))

2009-10-24T16:53:00.000+08:00

what an awesome day! went to SOASC with lisa and rawiza.. they are such a cool peeps! then rawiza ikut me home, and we got bored. chatted to mun and then we chatted to ifwat! and those pictures were taking by us.. coz we were damn bored..!hahaha

and damn right, thats thaqif, but its not really clear :(

gotta go babes..C's party in EMPIRE tonightttt!! :))

copy from rawiza :)

2009-10-24T16:10:00.000+08:00

1.This survey gets a little personal; can you handle it?
yess,im ready :)

2. If you married the last person you texted, what would your last name be?
kamarudin, haha

3. Were you happy when you woke up today?
just okay

4. When were you on the phone last? And with who?
school,mummy

5.What is the last thing someone bought you?
air?

6.What’s something that can always make you feel better?
shopping, friends, food :)

7. What are you excited for?
party tonight

8. What were you doing yesterday?
i went to school. stayed at home.

9. Honestly, who was the last person to tell you they love you?
my Besties.

10. What's the last thing you put in your mouth?
chocolatesss

11. Have a best friend?
the very best.

12. Are you scared to fall in love?
No, not really. but i am scared what happens soon after.

13. Do you think teenagers can be in love?
YESS..but like after 15 like that..

14. Last person you wanted to punch in the face?
a guy who made me blehhh

15. What time is it right this second?
4:28 pm

16. What do you want right now?
to be friends with him,normal one..not the one with "okay so .. ermm.."

17. Who was the last person you took a picture with?
ifwat and rawiza..

18. Are you single/taken/heartbroken/or confused?
single. and confused?

19. When was the last time you cried?
yesterday night?

20. Do you have a good relationship with your parents?
yeah

21. Do you find it hard to trust others?
yeah.

22. How fast does your mind change?
very, well depends on whats the occasion.

23. I bet you miss somebody right now.
i wonder how you knew that. <<>

24. Can you honestly say you're okay right now?
yeahp

25. Why do you think so many people cheat?
in relationships?

26. Tell me what's on your mind.
why is he being so gay?

27. What are you looking forward to in the next three months?
my mocks result will be good?

28. Have you ever worn the opposite sex's clothing?
yes..i like it!

29. When did you last talk to your number 1 top friend?
i don't think i have a number one. they're all my number ones actually. <<>

30. When is your next road trip?
i have no idea..

31. Do you have someone of the opposite sex you can tell anything to?
used to, he lied to me, and its over..

32. How's your heart?
okay..

33. Have you ever felt like you weren't important?
always..

34. Do you think somebody's in love with you?
no, i dont think so, and im not being negative. well my families yes..

35. What are you planning on doing after this?
getting ready for the party

36. When will your next kiss take place?
in heaven? haha

37. Have you told anybody you loved them today?
yes .. ? i dont recall saying that to anyone today

38. Who do you not get along with?
some people.

39. What does your 3rd recent text say?
owh alamak lupa lah - yong

40. What are you wearing right now?
casual clothing.

41.Are you wasting your time on the person you like?
THATS WHAT EVERYONE TOLD ME:(

42. When's the last time you had a grilled cheese?
i cnt remember..

43. What's your favorite boy and girl name right now?
boy: bari :)
girl: sofea zahra

44. How did you feel when you woke up?
tired and i want to sleep more

45. Do you wish someone would call or text you right now?
yeah

46. Do you crack your knuckles?
yea?

47. What were you doing yesterday at midnight?
sleeping..so freaking tired

48. What are your LEGAL initials?
?

49. Who's the first B in your contacts?
BALANCE..hahaha

50. When was the last time you laughed really hard?
just now with rawiza..hahahahaa..

51. Your number 1 top friend walks out of your life, do you go after them?
i don't think i'll let that happen.

52. Last awkward moment?
all i could think of was during raya.<<>

53. Are you afraid of the dark?
depends.

54. Do you have good vision?
sometimes not.

55. Have you ever tripped someone?
yeah!

56. Have you ever slapped someone?
woohoo yeah

57. Are you Irish?
LMAO. no.

58. Do you use chop stick?
yeass

59. Do you have any scars?
yeah..on my forehead kinda like harry potter's..HAHA

60. Is there someone you will never forgive?
yes there is, but i am trying to forgive him, but i cant, but thats not good.

61.Do you laugh off embarrassing moments?
yes

62. Name the last person to text you?
yong

63. Would you marry someone 8 years older than you?
depends

64. Can you go in public looking like you do?
yes?

65. What side of the bed do you sleep on?
near to the wall,coz i like to pur my feet against it..haha

66. Is it easy for someone to make you smile?
yes?

67. What's the first thing you'll do on your wedding day?
smile :)

68. Do you fall for people easily?
yes. and it hurts.<<>

69. Has anyone put their arms around you in the past 5 days?
yes!

70. Do you miss the way things used to be?
yes very much

71. How often do you hold back from saying what you are thinking?
always..

72. Song you're thinking of right now?
if i were a boy

73. Want someone back in your life?
yes, mama

74. Will tomorrow be better than today?
i dont think so.

75. What’s the color of you’re shirt you are wearing?
blue

76. Has anyone ever sang or played music for you personally?
hurmm..oh yes..

77. Does it bother you when someone lies to you?
yes..opp course

78. Is there anyone who understands your relationship status?
i don't really know.

79. Are you a naturally happy person? Or is your happiness forced?
hmm.

80. Is there anyone you wish would fall in love with you?
yes, but i dont think that will happen because i dont want to.... nvm

oink oink :))

2009-10-24T09:58:00.000+08:00

i miss HUSNAAA!! her cuteness, and her oink oinkness..! this is handsome!! (Y) good girl.. nice taste baby.. haha

i miss munirah so much :( u b**** come back larr.. hehe.. hasnt blog for a while..busy busy..later im going to SOASC and right now theres people at my house, how the hell am i suppose to go there!! omg! how the hell am i spose to go to school!

ill blog later need to mandi..SHIT!

oh diana + memories :))

2009-10-21T15:34:00.000+08:00

yesterday was DIANA AZALI's birthday, and i didnt get the chance to blog about it.. so here we go, happy 17th birthday NOR DIANA AZALI!! diana is my good friend in school. we were very very close to each other. but when we were in form 3,she moved to other class. we still hangout together but its just not like before. anyways, i miss her so much! and others! and school! and teachers! yesterday i dreamed about my friends in primary, GOD i totally lost contact with everyone in primary.. so right now i am searching them using myspace, and hopefully ill find them! omg its impossible actually!! there's like 50 pages of people with the same name, how am i suppose to know which one and i haven't seem them for like 4 years or more!! :( this is real saad!

yesss.. all of the pictures above are when i was in my old school! damn i miss u guys so much! i know the school im going right now are much better, but sometimes i just miss the 'kl' culture.. :(

gahh..

2009-10-20T21:51:00.001+08:00

not a very good week for me..:( both of my ankle are still painful.. and we have pe tomorrow and we are going to do rugby! not cool! i want to play rugby. but my dad was like no need to play if you are like this. i started to like pe now. i have no idea why. weird :)

i came late AGAIN this morning..omg, usually it only took me about 10 minutes from my house to school. i always go out at 7 and reach school around 7.10 but today and yesterday i went out from my house at like 7.02 and reached school at like 7.20!!it is because the traffic in front of school.. so that means i have to go out earlier than that tomorrow morning!

math was okay :| did the test.. haha damn! i think i got all wrong for the 1st question because i suddenly forgot how to move and change the unknown or what so ever.. haha.. but its okay, i will do better. ARGH i am very scared, i think i am starting to lose my malay karangan skills..!!! NOO! just now we were doing ringkasan, and shiitt! my sentence were all not in correct order the imbuhan were wrong! sheesh what happened to me! noo, dont! oh skills come back! insyaAllah,i will do a more karangan then!

yeay! i finished my drama finally! haha, i cant believe it only took me about like 30 minutes to finished all the drawing and stuff! okay now im going to eat sandwich! hungryy! and start to revise for my bio.

as for today, no story about him, since i seriously want to make him disappear from my mind!

what do i have to do for u to notice me?

almighty..

2009-10-19T17:37:00.000+08:00

ok first of all.. thank you so much rawiza.. second of all, i kind of confused to used this new one.. i know i know i am very lame.. or weirdo.. haha.. its just i couldnt find where is the place that u put my ugly picture.. coz i want to delete it..i look HORRIBLE..haha.. thx by the way.. erm i will try to to put the rest by myself. dont want to kacau u lagi.. hehe..haha i was like how to sign in and like wow how to do this and that,and this..haha sorry rawiza..i lapp u :)

u wanna know why the title is almighty?
because, i was like cursing this Allah's creature, a healthy human, no name mention.
so i was cursing him like hell, and yes he was tripping over a couple of times. well actually a lot. so i was like "haha,serves you right!!" and i did this really evil smile and thank god no one notice my evil face. and to show that Allah is very almighty, i was playing against his team, and he tripped over me(ouch it was really painful) and at first i still cursed him and right now, my kaki is so painful..especially on my right ankle. and it took me like half of a minute just to go to my room from my tv hall.. see? when u did something bad, Allah give u punishment.. haha..

so nothing much today. mum asked me if i want to follow her to labuan so i can skip school tomorrow, but argh i cant because i have some important things to do.. so i was like its okay.. some other time..:(
i wanted to join them really bad! coz they r cool :)

drama was fine.. it was okay! and i learn something today, if u love someone, u cant even describe a word why u like/love him. and also, i know its my time to move on, so thank you for being in my mind all this while, and made me cry, and etc. because now i know who you really are.

moving on, its my time, u never were a friend of mine, hurt at first a little bit, but now im so over it.

III

2009-10-19T17:21:00.000+08:00

hello baizura :)
i hope you like your blog layout. if you don't like it, tell me okay?
i'll change it for you
rawiza
x

happy happy birthday mummeeeyyh!

2009-10-18T23:35:00.000+08:00

today was our open house..twas real cool..i feel sorry for u sisters coz u guys arent here.. twas fun!! with aunts and a cousin.. ahaha.. so right now, all of them were karoke-ing and going to celebrate my mums bday tonite i think..hehe.. mummy, happy birthday.. lap u :)) went to WYWY, kakcikna paid for us since its mums bday.. sank u!

a lot of people came, kind of. FOOD WAS AWESOME.. and i didnt get the chance to eat the mee kuah, finished..:( my friends came, like lisa,rawiza,clarissa,ziyun,sai,ifwat.. and i dont want to know the exact reason why thaqif doesnt want to come.. up to u loser. im tired of trying to be nice, as u can see i do like him, but now, it explained to me that he is nothing than just a regular boy who is boring and ....? im sorry i said that, correct me if im wrong, but the excuses he gave doesnt make any sense.. im sorry. again. well lets not spoil the mood and lest get the writing started!haha..lame :( ill try to be as professional as i can! my cousin gave me tonnes of cool advices..! she is cool! she said "lets just have fun, and play around, and have some more fun, and be happy while u can"yes, and more advices..! god i miss her,i want us to be like before..

so mega stayed until night just now.. and we were talking about loads of stuff.. the funniest story was our pasts! yeap thats cool.. she is on holiday now, since she finished her PMB..

damn, i havent even start doing my drama.. :( im soo tired. i am trying to finish it tonight.. so guess that i am going to sleep late.. thats okay.. dont feel like sleeping tho.. to tired to sleep !!
hahahaah

if i were a boy,i think i could understand,how it feel to love a girl,i swear i be a better man.
its a little too late for u to come back,saying just a mistake think i forgive u like that,if u thought i would for u, u thought wrong.

tired!

2009-10-17T20:13:00.000+08:00

don't ask me why rawiza made that face..haha, btw we went in to the toilet togathahh.. coolio..haha..

i woke up really early today! 5.45 to pray subuh then my mum came in told me to get ready to go and buy stuff for tomorrow's open house.. i was like yeay.! but suddenly now i have no mood for it anymore.. i felt like want to cancel everything because my dad just couldnt stop babbling about tomorrow. he was like why cant u guys wait until next week bla bla.. the reason why my mum wants to do it tomorrow because her sisters are here. and they are the best chef in town.. thats why ! and then they might go to KK on monday so how are we suppose to do it. and right now the best way to cool the tense down between me and my dad is just to keep quiet. thats all, if u ask something then u might probably gaining more sins because u tend to have all those bad thought in ur mind..

so today i went to pasar gadong with my mum to buy stuff and then went to soasc. im sorry rawiza and lisa because u guys have to wait for me in school.. soh sohrry :)).. it was weird because it was like only 4 students who came in.. gahh.. thank god i finish bio.! yeay.. and im not nerd! stupid zi yun!

i called bob many times today and seems that he has no credit thats why i couldn't reach him. that explains everything why he didnt reply my text on Thursday.. anyway, i hope he could come tomorrow coz i need to ask some stuff about drama,geo,english and others.. so yeah.. i just need one day not to think about him im so tired.. :(

finally get to chat to kak jaja today.. :) so happy, haven't talk/chat to her for so long and her web-cam is being really envious towards me, i couldn't see kak jaja, it was blurr:( .. it seems that i am not going to see her for another 5/6 months.. because obviously im not going back on dec coz of mocks.. so probably next year then, after my IGCSE.

Experience is the name every one gives to their mistakes

OH CRAP?!!

2009-10-16T12:38:00.000+08:00

haha, BARI OH BARI..why do u have to be really cute and adorable.. i wish your brothers are as cute as you are, though ifwat claimed that he was cute like you once..haha
but oh my oh my, ifwat and thaqif are such a bad brothers, they told bari to say 'oh crap' whenever he sees me and rawiza. and yesterday, in Malay, i went to the toilet and i saw BARII, so i was like screaming his name and he looked at me "OH CRAPPP!" and he ran into his class.. haha, yet he is very and still adorable..i dont care. haha.

and after school yesterday i was walking behind thaqif and he was like "bii!BARI" i was like mana? where? and he laughed at me..! -__- stupid boy..hehe. so i was like don't u just love kids and he said no.. gah.. bad bad boy :)).. haha with a meaning though! lol..

as for today, i didn't go to school coz i slept at 4.30 am doing GEO..and i just realized that for English i did it wrongly, it was suppose to write a diary/letter about minor character but i did Richard.. obviously i didn't read the instruction properly.. and i guess i don't want to go to school because of Geo, i am going to be all alone in geo, eve,rhiannyn and maili told me they are not coming and i don't want to be such a loner in school.. :(

yesterday was assessment for module 5 in ICDL, i failed.. :( arghh the passing mark is freaking 75% what the hell.. n i got 66%.. gahh.. and i still have to resit another exam.. ahh.. but the most shocking thing was, thaqif failed too?!! THAQIF? i mean he never failed anything before soo, it was kind of shock okay..haha.. he was really nice to me lately, as in the way he talk to me was like very different from before, yes, of course i like it!! but, im scared, what if there is a meaning behind all this.. BAD MEANING??! haha, whatever...

today my aunties and my cousin are coming! i am so happy..! because obviously i love them so much. haha, well not that much but erm i just like them! they are cool! hehe..

i seriously need to know the truth.. Ive been waiting for him for so long, i don't know what should i do.. some people said that i should tell him the truth since its pretty obvious that he know that i likes him. some people said that i should just move on because he doesn't like girls.. i mean he is not the type who wants to be with girls and stuff like that. but i cant move on, i cant tell him the truth either. im scared. what IF , he avoid me? ignoring me? and stuff like that.. HOW?! and just now someone told me, that he liked me and he heard from someone else. i just cannot believe that.. unless that person heard it from his mouth! okay, chill, have fun bii..

tomorrow going to soasc with lisa and rawiza.. and hopefully we will have some fun! okay lisa and rawiza.. my sexual partners for life..!HAHAHA

To love is to risk not being loved in return. To hope is to risk pain. To try is to risk failure, but risk must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing

i am thankful

2009-10-14T20:28:00.000+08:00

i am so thankful to what i have now, not to mention having such a wonderful friends now.. my life is getting better and better though i was confused about something. but thanks to that, i now know what is my real problem. finally met MEGA and had a nice chit chat bout her neighbors, and laugh together. i havent seen for so long well kind of.. a week ago? that's quite long yeah?

today in drama, i think we did okay. fine. nice. good. sometimes i feel left out in school. feels like im just a stupid pole who happens to be in ISB, that's all.. i have this stupid feeling that even if i die in the middle of the field no one will cares? is that so dramatic? i seriously want to end this shit life of mine pronto but, that's life.. i know..

i never hope that 'he' will be what i want him to, but yes, i am thankful.. maybe people around me doesn't feel what im feeling right now, but i know i can make it.. school right now, probably the best place for me because it is the only place where realities appears. i know who my real friends are, i know who i can lean on. and so on..

yeehaa

2009-10-11T19:24:00.000+08:00

i absolutely love my relatives.. they are so cool. and i am thankful to have such a lovely family!! yeeha.. i hope that i can meet all my cousins from my mum's side too..! oh well, maybe we will.. end of this year maybe? i lopppeee them :)) though sometimes they are very pain in the ***.

.hehe i went to residence just now.. and it was soo hot.. and i was wearing this batik and it is soo cool actually i hate batiks before but now i loike it.. and and i was sweating like heaven okay no, HELL.. heheeh...okay in that picture i look !*#&*!!#&!! blame the flash okay.. im not that ugly.. hehe.. haha so gross.. im sweating like hell! haha.. oh well whatever.. thats the truth!

yaips! i haven't finish my drama..! ayoyoo.. damn.. okay i am seriously confused with all the things inside the sheets that Mr. brackon gave us.. so what it is? 2 pages of A4 paper? no? yes? gahh.. can u believe this? i haven't see munirah for this 2 whole frigging days! haha.. so my parents and my nenek and my aunt are going to shoppingg.. and i am going to, trying to finish my drama! MAMA MIA!! hehe

In love, it is better to know and be disappointed, than to not know and always wonder.

does my head look big in this...?

2009-10-10T23:18:00.000+08:00

i have to tell u that i am really inspired by this book to wear tudung.. i was thinking maybe its time for me to wear it.. since there were sooo many little signs of 'kiamat' and i think people should start to wake up and see what happened to our world. see what happened in padang, Indonesia there was like thousands or more people who died. i think its true, every teenagers, Muslim especially should read this book.

so for today i did nothing much. just went to a couple of houses for open house and yeah..nothing..mum,dad,maklong, tokmak and her friend to limbang for jalan2..i didnt dollow coz i had tummy cramp.. dont want to go anywhere. just wanna chill at home and read books, watching TV, surf internet.. aaaaa~~ sounds very chillexxing..i love chillexxing like this at home..i wish i can do that every night.. ehehe..

it was really weird, yesterday i dreamed about billy, i was having this "secret relationship" thingy with him.. eiiihh, yuckss.. haha. choii.. yesterday was friday, no shit, hehe and it was an okay day for me..saw BARI.. well MET BARI actually..hehe and and, yes it was damn fine.. hehe, so cutee lahh BARI..hehe.. just now i missed munirah soo much, i have no idea why.. seems that i cant live without her..:( awwwh..so suh-weet. hahaha.

as for tonight i am going to start doing my drama i think, since its due on monday.. so yeps.. maybe like half of it, and another half for tomorrow.. hurm.. not a very interesting weekend for me i guess..

It hurts to love someone and not be loved in return, but what is the most painful is to love someone and never find the courage to let the person know how you feel

to really loved a woman..

2009-10-08T18:58:00.000+08:00

this song was like ages ago,and i never know the meanings until few weeks ago,i was totally in love with this song, the lyrics, wow, got nothing else to say.. it is soo sweet and and very toucheed..by bryan adams

When you love a woman you tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?

Then when you find yourself lyin' helpless in her arms
You know you really love a woman
When you love a woman you tell her
that she's really wanted
When you love a woman you tell her that she's the one
she needs somebody to tell her
that it's gonna last forever
So tell me have you ever really
- really really ever loved a woman?
i only put half of the lyrics because that was my favorite part.. :)
i can listen to this song again and again,non stop..

so whats up with billy/bob today..
well i don't talk to billy so much,so whatever to him,and bob,i guess that's it?
plus i don't even know my feeling anymore.. i like him, i hate him?i just don't know..
so tomorrow tokmak, mak long, and a few others are coming and going to be here until like Wednesday next week, so i am going to be a good cucu.. (Y)

and next week my aunts and cuzzies are coming!!!WEEHOO..and we might go to kk, and jalan2, i dont mind anywhere.. hehe.. my aunts are cool.. and i miss mama so much, every single day i miss her more and more, her voice is always inside my head, she'll be calling me 'akak' and asked me to do a few stuff for her, though sometimes im very lazy to do so.. this three woman are very important to me, IBU,MAK & MAMA, but Allah loves mama more and He took her away, and we as a human have to continue our journey in this wonderful world.. we live to die, and to die we need tonnes of preparation as in good deeds. i always wanted to change but InsyaAllah one day Allah will give me hidayah.. to wear tudung, to eliminate all the bad side of me, not to fight with my mum every single day, and tonnes of stuff, InsyaAllah..

and for her i will try my best to study hard, coz i know not just my family will be proud, MAMA will be even more happier.. she was the most outspoken aunt among my mums siblings, i grew up with her, sleep with her, shower with her, almost everything with her. and sometimes i cant stop blaming myself because i wasn't there when she was about to go, i wasn't there for the funeral.. but as i say, everything happens because of a reason, either good one or the bad one, and we always have to doa to Him, its not that hard, Alhamdulillah when something good happen, Astarghfirullahhalazim if u cant control yourself, Amin if u finish doing something, Bismillah when your about to do something.

Allah knows everything, He knows our past, present and future..

Al-fatihah to MAMA...

furrrryy

2009-10-06T22:57:00.000+08:00

zi yun gave me a furry purple pen from JIWON!!oh i miss ji won soo much:( and it is sooo nice..i like it..:) thank u sayang!gosh i love callin people sayang now :) i feel soo lovable..hehe

so yesterday i slept over at munirah's because of geography, thank u..we slept at 4.30 and woke up at like what? 6.00? yeah something like that.. and when i woke up and looked into the mirror, the mirror was like saying "omg! u look like a S***" haha, because when i dont get to sleep enough my eyes will be WOW..haha..and gosh we were like laughing all night long.. hee i loike..

and then in school both of us were like dont have the energy to open our eyes. haha, so in math, it was bleh bleh, boring, BUT, RAWIZA, was super hyper today, and she kept laughing and laughing and so on..haha, and me n munirah came to join and weng jin was like "can u guys go back to ur seat" haha, i feel bad for weng jin to have such a crazy friends like us, but heyy, when u happy and crazy ur brain works really well okay?!haha..ohh rawiza, maybe we should do that every math lesson so we wouldn't feel bored.. like tomorrow, yeah rawiza?hahaha

and DT was okay lah, but he Mr. Baird was mad at us because were late, like 10 seconds, -__-. nevermind that, and we have malay,GOD, in malay i was like super tired and sleepy and felt like want to run back home and sleep with my lovalova.. night without lovalova is soo uncool..! hehe, and then physics haha, lamee.. bored.. and GEO!! hurmm same old story.. and i still havent done anything for physics and math..and here i am, blogging.. hehahe.

and me and mummy and daddy went to everysingle supermarket in serusop to find this refill hand-wash thingy, and i dont know why he doesnt want to buy the new bottle. haha..

and today i have this really weird feeling inside of me.. pshh PMS much, i know, but gahh i felt like something isnt right, there is something i should know from someone, there's a secret that i should know, i need to know what it is.. and i will never know what will it be if i dont try, and im scared to try. should i try to stay away from his heart, not looking into his eyes anymore, and think about him?

cho mekk..!

2009-10-06T22:38:00.000+08:00

yoo sista calista happy birthday..hehe..yoo duit raya man?i want duit raya..haha,eh before that,have u bank in my money sister? hehe.. so,

happy 2_* birthday nur zulaika kamarudin/cho/chomok/ika/ikan/serombong/poyo dan seangkatan dengannye..hehe, she is the eldest yet the shortest.. and hopefully u'll find ur happiness within ur self..coz ur so emo sis..and mummy said dont play2.. asik berjimba jek.. and her birthday was yesterday but i was super busy.. so ganti today la.. still the same whaat. hehe

05108*

ohh munirah

2009-10-04T23:23:00.001+08:00

hahaha..omg can u just stop making me laugh and made me unstudy..!hahhaha.."so there she goes to buy candy/chewing gum call tuiti fruity,and then she went to the counter,and the counter guy says-adik tu bukan gula2 dik"HAHAHHA..why on earth does the factory wants to put that thing as tuiti fruity??hahahha..oh god yumm..!haha..so there she goes again,disturbing me with her craziness and her hyperness..soo theres still tonnes of stuff i need to do man..!! DT,GEO,PHYSICS MAN!!!!GODD!gahhh..

so yesterday i went to rawiza's open house,only god knows how awkward it was..i swear to god! i was like praying in the car before i arrived, like "oh god hopefully nothing bad will happen" well nothing bad happened just an awkwardness..i think its him who made me feel uncomfortable.. and ifwat cant just stop being mean to me.. god whats wrong with him!? "i hate malaysian?" god ifwat u dont have to be that mean to me..! and he was like 'im sorry ur malaysian thats why i hate u i was like "#)$*@)!#&)!!" gahh..soo its already 2303 i should go finish revise my physics and maybe do geo a bit lah..ohh and i havent shower..eeee..soo gross lah bii..hahaha..

so tomorrow is going to be another suck day for me..to have DT and im far behind in it..and PE,guys will be guys.. and i will never forget what 'he' said to me after playing volleyball..FUDGE man is he a human or not?

fuhh..

2009-09-14T13:24:00.000+08:00

ahahah i know i know havent update my blog ages ago..woa.year 11.or should i say HELLEVEN?hahaha goodness gracious sooooo stressfull..everything is such a pffft..such a pain in the ass..i miss kak jaja..:( she left brunei last month..BUT, shes coming again this saturday together with my sistas kalistas.. god.. it is very hard..and today i skipped school because i seriously tired like hell..and tmrw still have to go to jungle in fasting month!soo stupid ayte?ahhahha..okay2 cannot type any longer need to finish geo coursework dayumm..!hahaha

ohh and i learned sumthg..i forgave him,but i will never ever forget what he did to me..i trust him 100% ,and if there is a reason behind it,i dont care..and now,i will not revenge because i know revenge will not solve anything..but yess,,whatever..i want to be engrossed with my works now..and i dont care anymore..pfft..

raya raya raya!!weehooo!!

a story..

2009-07-12T21:57:00.000+08:00

the girl that always together for like 6 months wothout non stop..well a bit

and this is the brothers to me..they are so cool..i knew them like a few mins and tadaa we're good together.

the best moment.

we laugh, cry, eat, sleep, and share things together.

i still remember us talking together and laugh like theres no tomorrow

wanie, i miss you

6 months ago, i met a girl name wanie. when first we met i think she was okay.. that day was Kak jaja's bday.. both kak jaja and wanie become even closer because both of them spent their routine together.. like everything, just name it.. and then after around my birthday we start to be closer and closer until a few months ago we met each other like every single freaking day..almost like 6 days a week and like forever..even for me after school im going straight to mall or to who ever house just to see them. and everyday the excitement of seeing them never vanish infact the feeling grew even bigger like 'i cant wait to see the'. and theres alwasy story to tell. for us, its like a never ending story. theres always things to do, jokes to laugh, food to eat, a song to sing and easier words everything. compare to my life in brunei a year ago it was nothing.. NOTHING.. but then i met all this beautiful angels and of course the guys, who are really understanding and fun and i wish i could marry all of them at once.haha yes of cours ei cant. wanie, thanks for being my friend. always remember me. coz u know how much i love u.

and theres of course the guys..bamie, baiz, aiman and basaini.. incredible! i met them like a few hours and WOOSH we are already teasing each other and laugh together..im amazed by our friendliness.. all of u are like my brothers. my COOL AWESOME brothers. also thank you for being very funny and friendly to me. haha, so far i never felt any regret meeting u guys. and having u guys a my friends. So whenever u feel lonely and down, remember our fun day, like white glamorous night or our INCREDIBLE bowling and chicken toast day, where we laugh out loud. we took a lot of pictures while eating CREPES..yes our friendship symbol CHICKEN TOAST..:))

THANK YOU GUYS, SARANG HAE :))

white glamorous

2009-07-04T18:29:00.000+08:00

wahh:))

SWEET or SOUR?hahah

cut2..:)

birthday girl

heee..i LOVE them:)

jejeka yg hot psst..bamie,abg saini & aiman

SO SWEET..ehem2..

miri camping!!

2009-06-27T08:38:00.000+08:00

mirri camping was fun!!!!!it was tiring and i got a lot of bruises because if the high rope and etc..and also,it was very2 chalengging especially when doing abseiling and rock climbing because rock climbing that times was wet,BUT im proud of myself because at least did it half way,better than not doing anythg right?yesss..hahaha,so theres a few pictures of course of me doing few stuff..!:):)))thers too many things to talk about,but im soo lazy to type it out because im damam..uwaa..:(

benggalii!!haha..

2009-06-07T20:36:00.000+08:00

so what is beggali.?haha,it consist of a few HOTT ppl like us..NOT..well maybe only me..i think..haha..LAME-O
so what happened?
well on saturday me and my benggali gang went to hicom for our Agong's birthday nite..damn it was very fuunn!haha,coz like for the 1st time wannie went to the glamorous life..!!hahahaha..sorry wani..lol,btw,yes n then we were so excited..dunno why kan wany?haha..and yes a lot of pictures..and and,b4 that of course for sure we went to mall to eat chicken toast bcoz wanie just love it so much!!and so does the others but,wanie is just soo addictive to it..haha..n yes,just enjoy the rest video and pictureS!!!:D:D
and for more pictures and cool video,is in mys and fb:))

oh yes i cut my hair finally!such a relief!haha:D

what the NERAKA?!hahaha

2009-06-05T00:32:00.000+08:00

oh sis.!look what i found..i look yummyliciious at that moment..sigh..hahaha..oh poor my tudung pink sister..matanya atu sepet sebelah kali ah..haha

dude...this week most probably is the most ERGHH week ever..everyday i sleep at 1 or 2ish just to finish my COURSEWORK..damn u coursework..and im not joking dude,theres like A LOT of it..haha..okay let me tell u,drama coursework,geo coursework,and then we have bio test next week,math quiz tomorrow,2 english essays which one of it i already hand in just now(thannnkkk GOD)..but yes technically a lot..uwaa..i just cant wait for holidays..right now there just too many things to do and i dont even know which one to start first..so i decided to update my blog skajap..haha..time: 12:37..dude..i should sleep..after school just now we have to wait for a while because Mrs.sanderson wants to talk abt miri CAMP!!!!!weehoo..cant wait..!!yahooo!haha,the funny thing was she said,"once u get the form the guys can go and the girls stay"and i WAS soo stupid,i was like.WHAT?we cant go why?hahahahaahah..LOL..what she meant was stay there coz she wants to talk to us..and at the end of it i was like "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOHH now i got it"and everyone was like SHEESH baizura ur so slow..haha..dude im not lying i was completely clueless..it takes me ages to understand stuff..hahaha..LOL..double lol..too many L-O-L..haha..

oh yes also not to mention,this very immatur childish guys is killing me!!F***!seriously..u are sooo like dr jekyll and mr hyde..when i told that to people they were like "cmon bii,he cant be that bad"DUDE..he is..blv it or not,okay on tuesday morning he gave RM20..foe what?!okay he said that i can use it later when wer going to miri..but then come to think of it again,why is he giving me money?!!am i a prostitute or sumthg?!WTF?seriously,okay so yes he was nice,yes i agree,and and then,in PE he was completely mr hyde,he purposely aimed that ball like really aiming at to me.and guess what he said??!"yes i did that because i want to score and i know u cant play"WTF?WTF?WTF?can u seriously blv that?erghh..so watever..and today he was being dr jekyll..oh sooo nice,smile,laugh!?are u having pms or sumthg?SHEESH!but still weird..haha,well lets just hope he will not read this..haha..the person who knows that i have blog in school is only,ermm like 5 people..coz they were like "bii do u have blog.i know u have one"and i dont wnt to tell them coz they will found out who is this DR.jekyll and Mr.hyde..hahaah..LAME-o kan?oh well,guess i just have to wait for tomorrow and yes lets watch some movies..and SLEEP..damn i need a good sleep.haha.3rd JULY BABEYHH..haha.

AND AND,should i go to the prom,with the yer 11's well they are my good friends..but nyehh idk..grr.

nothing but tears..

2009-05-23T20:02:00.000+08:00

yes,its a hard week for me,i am suppose to be happy coz its holiday,but no..im being sad..erghh i hate being emo..sometimes i just wondering why do i really have to be here,oh right,to accompany my parents..but who will accompany me..?wait,no ONE..some people might say,wow ur so lucky,u cn ask anything and evertything from them..true,but can i ask them for happiness..?no i cnt..because obviously i am here ALONE,so??what do u think?and its very sad because when u came bck from school,u have no one to talk to..u have no one to talk about the latest gossip in school or among ur fren n etc..n yes,my lovely sister will also say that im lonely too..face the fact,at least u are sleeping with SOMEONE in ur room..me?!who?no ONE!but alhamdulillah,Allah met me to these beautiful people..they are my shoulder that i can lean on..not saying that i cnt lean on my sisters shoulder its just they are not here..so currently they are like my sisters and also my friends..sometimes this tears just came down uninvitedly becoz a lot of reasons i suppose..but like i said things must have happen because of a reason we just cant see it yet..i mean,i like to talk,laugh,chat and usually at least i have 2 annoying sister to talk to,but not here..sometimes in the car i felt like im not even in the car..my mum talk to my dad,n my dad talk to my mum..and im just talking to myself or to the window..lovely isnt?i mean i know they want me to be with them at least for someone to talk to..but yeah,i dont know..too many things on my mind..just be patien with it..just praying and wishing that God can gimme a very powerful strength..and thank you friends..:)

enough is enough

2009-05-17T16:48:00.000+08:00

i blame me for being such a retard to liking someone is younger than me,not just one year younger but 3 years younger!!what was i thinking..it is nonsense..i mean like its not like u cant like someone younger, u can,but not in this teenage stage,you see,boys are what we call slow in this love thingy especially when he is about 14 like that!HOLLY MOLLY what was i thinking?!liking a wayyyy younger guy.even younger than my nieces and nephews..!and,he is not the first young guy i like,even b4,and also it doesnt work out because of him has this childish attitude..very retardness..i think THATS IT,stop liking younger guy,im sure there will be an older guy buy atleast few years older than me who will like me,or as usual i will like that guy first..but yes,as i say,there will..and i just have to wait..i mean,HELLO im 17!im not that young to have some love i mean its not like i abondaned my studies,family n stuff..

haha,the funny thing is i was sppse to do my english essay and my dt homework but im doing this blog instead..ok wait bck to the story,..GEEZ..haha..i mean its kind of weird having him beside me not saying anything,but i know he likes her,but he was like being awkard to me??why so sudden?!why not before this?i mean before this we were kinda okay,and we talk together,laugh,insult each other n stuff..but whyy suddenly it turn out to be awkward,hatres n etc..hurmm,i guess boys will be boys..right?just see what will happen in another months,well,im happy coz tomorrow is the last week of school and then we have one week of holiday,lets just see what will happen after that..but one think that will forever stuck in my mind is, NO MORE YOUNGER GUYS..unless u are in ur twenties,guess thats fine..well i think i should go now n finish my essay b4 my lazyness and retardness comes once again..:)

hey malvina!!

2009-04-18T23:59:00.000+08:00

so just now was malvinas party,it was really fun!!i really love bouncy thingy..HAHAHA..n yea the dance, the sweets..my god i ate a lot of them,especially ur choco mountain wth marshmallow..my god,it was very2 very delightful..haha,thx dear,i had a blast,n hopin u had fun too..hahha,ur cake is really HUGE..haha,n it was very delicious..yummy!n not to forget ur house!is sooooooooo pretty!!omg,i just love ur house,very cozy n nice..haha,nice nice!!n thx to ur mum for sending me to school coz my dad was lost n he was like very pissed at me,n bla bla,n turn out to be he passed ur simpang like many times,he just cant see the board coz it was dark..but yeah,thx again!haha,i really enjoyed it,n i think my butt is really pain coz the water splash right at my butt..HAHAHA..it was hillarious..and im gpoing to sleep really late coz i am trying to finish my english essay TONIGHT,no matter what might happen,well not really like tonite,but more like half of it,oh my,english,is not really into me,i meant me,not really into english..800 words..??haiyakkk..!!painkiller here u come..ahahha..n im really tired of problem im facing right now,friends n some other stuff,but i guess thats just life,problems going to be solve if i just stop complaining and do what im supposed to do kan?heheh..i miss u frensss..!!haha..!!well2,thats all for today,we will meet again soon..haha,n i am really wishing that 'we' will be good friends,see the thing is,i like u but,if u just stop being mean to me ill probly be like yeay,,!i like u,but then u act like im one of urs stupid doLL!lol..erghh,not gonna talk about that/him..wat ever..byess

a gift to u.!

2009-04-16T21:18:00.000+08:00

hahaha..do u like this?!!?!?!?!hehehe,ur bday present..HAHAHA..verrryy sweet of me kan atashinci..!

monday the 13th..hahaha

2009-04-13T20:44:00.000+08:00

well nothing much in school today..just some normal things..got my science results just now..WOW,it was pretty niceeeeee..!!as in nice because my mum will be soo bullestic about it..!hahaha..went to mega's house,n as usual me n my craziness..ahaha,i swear to GOD,if 'that guy' saw what i did just now,it will be so embarassing n most probly he will be like,omg,i cant blv i liked this girl?!?!hahaha..!tomorrow gonna watch a ghost movie called 'jangan tegur' its kinda scary, the awesomeness about that movies is,the ghost name is BAIZURA..BAHAHHHA..love u..!mmmuahh!

okay..

2009-04-10T21:48:00.000+08:00

i know this might be a bit weird,like in one time 2 post..?!but ergh,idk,i was like suddenly felt really2 sad..i hate this feeling..why does this stupid annoying feeling have to be with me..like every single friday night if im alone,this is going to happen to me..emo,tears,sobs..erghh WTH??pff..stuupidd..!

idk what to do right now.!??!:S:S..right now im just searching some colleges in kl,to take my diploma or my foundation..still dunno wat to take yet..my mum was like suggesting me to go either uitm or uia..i dont mind anythg,but the thing is i dont want to take diploma,its freaking long,2 n a half year..??no no..!idk..still thinking..but oh well got like another one a few months of years..

erghh

2009-04-10T20:59:00.000+08:00

BAHAHA,great this is my most probly the 3rd or 4th blog..because of my stupid short-term memory,idk my password..:S:S..so i have to redo it again n again..so about today,the exam's finally OVER..fuhh thank GOD..seriously,i bet im gonna get like all D E n G..hahaha..my god everythg was soo hard..erghh..the last paper was DT,my god,whats wrong with the school??haha..well it is very useful to us..i think..neways,im so bored today..nothing to do,except theres a tahlil at my house..n other than that..nyehh bored..why does my life have to be superb boriiinngg..!!

n yes world,im in love..bahahah..NOT..no no,still not in love yet,maybe just a few feelings..but yeah,who cares right??righty-o..so maybe for the first few week,nothing much to write..i just hate to be alone..i cant watch TV coz my dad is watching news n his fav drama midsomer murder..urghh,its very lame..so sad..sob sob..n this freakin laptop is pissing me off..

oh yes and i just realized that last couple of days,i was soo pissed off at this guy..he is an ASS,pethatic and jerk,and anythg that has the same meaning to those words..he lied to me..i hate liars..blehh..im so lazy to type about it,people who knows about it may know how i felt..blerghh..

ohh n yes,HELLO kl ere i come..n say bye bye to MONEY..ka-ching$$..hahahha..SHOPPING MOPPING!!july july can u like come now..APRONTO..haha..ohmagod..one year left for me to finish school,n hello driving liscence here i come..hahaha..

so,nothings cool today,see you later alligator..no wait thats for the haters..n SEE YOU LATER IN THE ELEVATOORR...for hotties..bahahaha..

n HELLO mr.sexyeyes..ur sexy eyes is making my heart melt like an ice scream that been heated with a very hot blue flame..!!hahaha